Four of a Kind
by NellieRai
Summary: 4th in the Cub'verse. Castle and Beckett. The trials and tribulations of their family and their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Castle isn't mine. Nor am I affiliated in any way.**

**A/N: Because I'm frustrated with certain people, I'm just posting this early. Fourth in the cub series. Be ready for lots of toddler fun. ;) This first chapter is kind of a prologue so it's a little jumpy.**

It's quiet. The only sound comes from the other side of the bed. Soft heavy breaths that have Kate rolling onto her side, staring at her husband's face. The shadow of whiskers along his jaw and the relaxed lines around his eyes. Rugged. He looks rugged and delectable. She's been awake for hours, long enough to watch as their room went from inky gray to a brilliant orange. Maybe she got an hour down and out. Maybe. And she doesn't know how he's still asleep when today is the day. Well, she does. He stayed up late with her, helped her cook at two in the morning because she was nervous and needed something to keep busy. He spent part of the night hiding his own nerves by writing and then they'd tried to exhaust themselves with a rambunctious round of sex. Her heart quickens at just the thought of it. Heat curling inside her. Maybe a repeat performance...to get her heart pounding, to get some energy back in her bones.

But then she sobers. It wouldn't help. And there's always later for a quickie. She needs him awake though, needs the comfort he can offer. She slides closer, taps her fingers against his chest and presses her nose to his cheek. She can feel the scrape of his stubble against her lips when she kisses his jaw. Rousing him from dreams, with a slow lazy kiss pressed to his mouth. Coaxing him with a sharp nip, a soothing tongue when he grumbles.

Kate knows he's awake when she feels his hands. Fingers warming her cheek, and tucking her hair back behind her ear. The other set rest against her hip. His thumb rubbing lazy circles. She kisses him softly, once more. And then opens her eyes. He waits a beat before he cracks one open and she arches a brow in response.

"Time z'it?"

"About six." She hasn't actually looked. Doesn't want to know but that's her best guess.

"Did you even sleep?" He closes his eyes again, tugs on her ear and tries to coax her down against his chest. He wants her to relax, to rest.

She doesn't let him. Resisting until he finally opens both eyes and heaves out a sigh that's laced with her name.

"I managed an hour or so." It might be stretching it. She really has no clue. But her stomach is nervously twisted into knots and she knows now that requesting this day off was the best decision. "I don't want him to go. I mean I do but -"

"I know." Huh. She supposes he does. He's done this before but she imagines it doesn't get easier.

"He's so excited. And what if he knows I'm not? Oh god, what if he gets scared and starts crying?"

She doesn't get an answer out of him. Just a soft press of his lips against hers. It's not exactly reassuring and what does that mean? Did Alexis cry the first time and he's trying to protect her by not saying anything? There's no way she can just leave him there if he's miserable. But she has to, he needs this and clearly, so does she.

"Since we're awake we might as well get him up. Spend the morning with him."

"I'm starting to regret registering him for pre-k. Maybe he isn't ready." She's not the only one thinking it. She knows she's not. And it makes it harder, knowing that Castle is just as worked up. "I don't want him to think we're just leaving him."

"We've talked to him about it all summer. He knows we'll be there to pick him up as soon as we can."

"I - I'm making this worse on both of us. I'm sorry, Babe. You're right, let's just wake him up early." Kate sighs against him, kisses him one last time and then sits up.

Time to face the day. And everything that it'll bring with it.

"You wake the Cub down and I'll take Boomer out."

* * *

Her son isn't a morning person. He pulls the blanket over his head. Tells her that he's not ready to wake up. That he just wants to go night-night. But she tickles his belly, tugging the blanket and kissing his cheeks. She finally resorts to telling him that he has school soon. She doesn't give up. And that has his caramel and moss eyes opening. His energy levels jumping from zero to sixty.

He's been so excited for weeks about getting to go to "big boy" school. He wants to make friends and play and learn. All it takes it the brief blasé mention of it.

And then he's on his feet, tripping over his blankets. He lands on his butt and it doesn't deter him. He's still tugging at his dinosaur pajamas and huffing in frustration because he can't get them off.

"Momma help!"

"Slow down, little man. We have plenty of time." But she helps anyway. Crouching down to his level and lifting his shirt when he raises his arms.

He chatters, rambling in a way that leaves him gasping for air at the end of sentences. Some of his words not quite fully formed, a little hard to understand. He's only quiet when she stands watch in the bathroom as he brushes his teeth. And even then he pauses, and has to tell her something with toothpaste dripping down his chin. This is why she doesn't dress him first. Her little tornado is the cause of a mess at least once a day.

And she does nothing but smile, helping him when he's done, when he's washed his face and combed his hair because he insists on doing it himself. Her little boy is growing up, going to "school" and the excitement has his cheeks flushed.

She feels awful for not being as thrilled. But she worries. About every little thing. He's a shy boy. A talker once he gets to know someone but relatively shy at first. He hides behind her a lot. Peeking out from behind her leg whenever a stranger tries to talk to him and as a cop, she loves knowing that he won't willingly approach a random person or wander away but now that he's heading off to learn, she's nervous about it. What if that hinders him from making friends? What if he's scared of the teacher? What if he needs help but doesn't ask? So many things. And every thought kept her awake last night.

But now he's tugging her hands and smiling. His father's smile. And the same hair. With those little pieces that flop down over his forehead. She's a sucker for that grin. Always has been. Even back when Castle had been an arrogant ass, she'd still been a sucker for the grin.

She lets their son pull her to the dresser and helps him pick out an outfit that matches. He's four. She's not about to let him choose his own. At least not today. Except the batman underwear. He chooses those and she lets him. So much like his father. And he insists on the blue short sleeve button down "to be like daddy" and she lets him have his way on that too. Only drawing the line when he wants to wear his Finding Nemo pajama pants with it.

"Not today, Wes."

"But Momma..." He pouts just like his dad. Big eyes and crushed look on his face. "Those are my favorite!"

"It's warm out and you'll roast." She digs through another drawer, finds a pair of dark jean shorts. "Try these."

"Fine." He huffs at her. Narrowing his eyes. He steps into them though and she has to bite back a smile. Yeah. Sometimes he acts more like her.

"My handsome man." And that has him smiling again. Wiggling his eyebrows in that ridiculous way his father taught him. He struggles with it a bit, scrunching his nose a few times. Adding to the adorableness and she'll admit that she's more than smitten with her Castle boys. "C'mon. We'll pick shoes later. What are you hungry for?"

She already knows the answer.

"Chicken."

"It's breakfast time bud, not happening. Pick again."

"I guess pannakes." She doesn't correct him this time. Simply kisses his cheek and gives him a mock glare when he raises his hand to wipe it off.

"Pancakes it is. Your dad is waiting downstairs. I'll be there after I check on your sisters." She sends him off with a quick ruffle of his hair.

And she stands in the hall, watching as he jumps down each stair. Her heart in throat.

"Weston." She warns with a sharp tone. And that's all it takes for him to turn around and flash her a smile. But he doesn't jump anymore. He steps carefully. Shoulders slumped as if she's taken away his favorite toy. He's always been a little daredevil.

She rubs her hand down her face before entering the twins' room. She's not sure how any of them are going to handle this first day without him. But she remembers the way Ella had wanted to sleep in his room with him and cried when they told her no, that he needed the rest for his big day.

Their Ella's a firecracker and she knows that if she'd caved then both of them would've been up most of the night. It's happened before. Many times.

And when she steps in the lilac room, she finds both toddlers tucked in one bed. She's not sure why they ever converted both cribs. Charlie and Ella always end up together. She remembers coming in to find them in the same crib when they were only a year old. And that had terrified her until Castle had told her that he'd heard them fussing and let them share a bed. How they'd calmed immediately.

Identical girls and yet some part of her knows which one is which even on days she dresses them the same. It's their personalities. The shy and quiet Charlie and the loud and rambunctious Ella. But they're still sleeping. A mess of wild dark waves covering their faces. She reaches for them both, rubbing their backs simultaneously. In awe of the fact that they're sleeping in the same position. Big girls now and every day they still amaze her with something new.

"Momma?" The first set of brilliant blue eyes blink open. The first sleepy smile and little hands reaching for her. Charlie.

"Time to wake up. We have to take, Wes to school soon." And that's when Ella joins. A pitiful whine and eyes opening only to fill with tears.

"No."

"Shhh, it's okay Els." It's difficult. To watch a tiny heart break into pieces but she does her best. Kisses her daughter's head. "It's fun. He'll love it and we'll have a girls day."

But she's just as upset as their toddler. And it's clear that neither Charlie nor Ella really understand that Wes will be coming back. It's going to be a long day.

"Come on, Daddy's making pancakes and I think today it'll be okay to add extra syrup." She knows that'll have Ella up and at 'em. Such a vibrant smile suddenly replaces the teary eyes and yeah, yeah she'll let her drown her pancakes today.

* * *

Breakfast in their family is a loud affair. Giggles and excitement. The kids trying to talk over each other, and Castle is probably the worst at it. Getting excited himself and rambling on adorably as she sits Ella at the table.

The changes in their lives just seem normal now. The fact that there's always sticky hands and at least one hour of cranky frustration each day. It's all normal and both of them love every second. Okay, maybe she doesn't entirely love when there are three grouchy little ones, a headache, and not enough time for a glass of wine but those moments pass quickly enough and all that's left is the love.

Usually Wes sits by Ella and Charlie is fine with it but today is different. Today their son is flanked by both girls and she wonders if this will be a new morning tradition.

"Hey," He says it softly, loud enough for her to hear. And soft enough that she knows the question buried beneath.

"Hey,"

"How'd it go?" He glances at her, balancing plates on his arm and stepping over their dog with practiced ease.

"Okay. For now." And it is. As he sits plates of pancakes topped with strawberries in front of their kids, it's okay.

She takes a spot next to their youngest and knows he'll slide in by Ella, keep her from going too overboard on the extra syrup. Maybe. Probably not. She's watched him drown his own for years.

Wes chatters. It's constant. Almost as if he just can't help it and she knows where he gets that from. Even as he pulls pieces off his pancakes and chews them, he's still mumbling through her protests.

"Mouth full means what, Cub?" He doesn't finish chewing or swallow before he answers. She doesn't know why she tried.

And she nervously picks at her own food. She doesn't feel like eating but she munches on enough to fool the kids. And when her eyes catch on Castle's, she knows he's feeling the same way. Not eating much either. Unlike their offspring. With Wes on his second pancake and Ella spooning up syrup.

Charlie is the quiet one. Usually. But this morning she rambles right on with them. Her words less pronounced, a little different. She doesn't form them quite the same way and she has a lisp that Kate finds adorable. She's sharp as whip. She sees everything.

Breakfast was needed. This was needed. They're all smiling, all happy. No more sad eyes and broken hearts. Yet. But there's some thievery.

"Ella Jo." The girl freezes mid reach for another of her brother's strawberries. Blue eyes wide as she stares back at her mother. "We don't take things."

"Sowwy." She doesn't sound apologetic but Kate gives her a nod. Accepting it anyway.

When Castle discreetly - completely obviously - hands off his own fruit to their daughter, she's left shaking her head. Only because she was about to do the same thing. Yeah, breakfast has always been an interesting affair with little ones.

* * *

It's harder than she thought. So much worse than every scenario she had imagined. Watching Ella cling to him, Charlie hugging them both. Her girls matching their brother in blue sundresses with red bows.

And her big boy, so brave, tells them that he'll be back. He kisses their cheeks, tells them he loves them and he's been such a little grown up about all of it that Kate tears up before he ever walks into his classroom. He beams at them, waving but she can hear a slight waver in his voice when he says bye. He's about to cry too.

And she's clinging to Castle. Her hand clenching his tightly as they both reach for their daughters. She watches a piece of her heart walk away. She's trusting someone she doesn't really know to keep him safe. Sure, she'll admit she abused her power and ran background checks but she's still uneasy about leaving him. He's only ever gone with Martha, Alexis, her dad and occasionally she left him with the boys for five minutes to grab him a snack from the breakroom or something when he visited the precinct but Castle was always there too. This is different. Harder. It's so hard to walk away. But she knows they have to.

For Ella's sake. Her tear stained face is the reason that Castle releases Kate's hand. To comfort his little girl and she's sure he needs it too. She holds Charlie's hand instead. Leading as her partner follows with a weeping girl in his arms. But she's not the only one. It's hard to see where they parked when everything is blurred. When she hears her sweet quiet Charlotte sniffle and feels her fingers squeeze.

"We'll be back to get him before you know it." But she doesn't know how comforting that is to either girl when she can't keep her own voice from cracking.

They have two sad little blue eyed girls. And Kate barely keeps it together when she straps them in their seats. Taking Ella from Castle and having her cling, press her face to Kate's neck. She soothes her as best she can. Telling her it's just like any day that daddy takes Wes for a boys day. That he'll be home soon.

And that makes her let go. Makes it easier to place her next to her sister. She leaves the door open, turning into him when Castle touches her hip. She stays there. Against his chest with their daughters sniffling and he holds so tight, his breath coming out just as shaky as hers when she lets a few tears spill. She's crying over this. Something she never thought would happen. She's actually crying because her tiny baby boy is now in school. Their very first child isn't that itty bitty wiggly baby anymore. And now she actually has to face it.

"Let's go home, Kate."

She hadn't thought it could get worse. But it does as soon as they pull away from the school. She's never left him somewhere. Not like this. She glances back and sees that Ella is now smiling at her sister, both of them chattering using words that she'll never understand but at least they aren't crying anymore.

"Was it this bad with Alexis? Did you want to turn around and demand to just stay in the classroom with her?"

"You kidding? I hid in the bushes outside the window. Which is probably where I would be now if not for our girls." Of course he did. She can see it so clearly. Him hiding and probably sneaking little waves. Just watching over his daughter. She chuckles, rubs her thumb over the back of his hand.

"I'd be right there with you."

Partners.

* * *

She's glad she took a personal day. Content with the idea of movies and cuddling two very snuggly girls. And a large dog with eyes just as blue. She's outnumbered in this family. Only her Cub shares her eye color. Everywhere else she looks is a sea of blue. Bright and sharp.

She has a daughter on each side, a dog at her feet. And a Tangled blanket stretched over all of them. Not something she ever envisioned. But Ella's knees are pressed hard into her hip and Charlie is squirming to get closer and it's so similar to when she was pregnant with them. When they fought for space. They still do. They argue, push at each other, get frustrated and growl. But for now they're okay.

And so is she. Getting better by the minute when Castle swoops in to steal Charlie up, tickling her until she's giggling. Pressing his mouth to her head in a soft kiss that leaves Kate in awe once again. It's a daily occurrence. To feel her heart quicken and constrict when he plays with their kids. When he hugs them or even has a simple conversation.

"What do you say Charlie-bug, can I join?"

Their youngest squeals her answer. Still giggling and wiggling in his arms. And Kate shifts around until there's space between her and the arm of the couch. He plops. Dropping dramatically just to make both girls laugh. But it gets her too. Has her smiling at him when he turns that loving gaze her direction.

Ella is the first to climb down. Wander off towards the corner in search of toys. But she's not herself. She comes back with Weston's police car. And sits at their feet, playing with it and sighing.

"I miss Budder." It's soft. Even the normally excited mispronounced "brother" sounds sad and lost.

Kate turns her face into Castle's shoulder, unsure of what to say. It's only been half a day. They still have a couple more hours. But her writer knows how to diffuse the situation. How to keep their daughter calm.

"I miss your brother too, and I'm sure Momma and Charlie do as well but he's having fun. And I think we'll be getting ice cream when we go pick him up."

Ice cream always works. It has her perking up. Smiling again. And he winks at her, knowing she'll try to copy. She does. Blinking both eyes on accident. It's better after that. The air lighter.

Even when Kate leans heavily into him and Charlie climbs over into her lap. Her kids astound her. The depth and understanding they have at such young ages. Their hearts so big already that she never knows what to expect. Like now, with her youngest reaching up to touch her face. Looking at her with those endlessly lovable eyes.

"Not sad, Momma. Wethy come home." It's the slight lisp their daughter carries and the way her words tumble out that has her smiling.

"That's right, Cash. He'll come home and we'll do better tomorrow." She knows they will. Once it becomes routine it won't be so hard. She'll be back to work and Castle will have their daughters to keep him on his toes. And sometimes he'll come with her instead and the girls with have a day with their Grams. Or with their older sister.

But for now, it's snuggles on the couch. Playing in the floor. Movies they only half pay attention to and toys scattered everywhere. Doing everything they can to pass the time. All of them excited for the end of the school day and the fact that Wes will be back. He'll be loud and rowdy and try climbing the couch to jump off like the adventurous boy he is and she'll snap her fingers, tell him he better sit it down and he'll just look at his dad.

Yeah, she knows where his bad habits come from. And it'll be an evening of listening to him ramble on about his day, of Ella being stuck to his side like glue and Charlie listening to every word he says as if he's not just her four year old brother but her hero.

Maybe he is. After all, he's Kate's little hero too. Just like his dad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**A/N: Okay so I mostly wrote this a couple weeks ago and I just finished it today because I really wanted to post it before the new episode. Thank Ris for this chapter because she really pushed me to finish and get it up before tomorrow's episode. I love you lots for poking me, Karisa.**

**Also there's a one shot that ties in to this universe called Full House, be sure to check that out if you want some cute baby moments.**

A smile tugs at her lips, has been for hours even after paperwork. Permanently etched on her face today and Kate is more than ready to get home. She took an early leave, would have stayed had they caught a case but they hadn't. And she has weekend plans. Three days of vacation with her family starting as soon as she opens the door. She'll spend her days playing and enjoying her kids. And the man she loves.

She's been looking forward to it for weeks. Putting in notice to take time off and she hasn't told anyone. Especially not Castle. Because it's for him. And their kids. The last case was a long one, long hours. She'd come home late a couple of times and felt bad enough about it that she'd crawled into bed with her son one night, and her daughters' another. Just to be there if they happened to wake up in the middle of the night. They didn't but she felt better for being right there when they opened their eyes the next morning.

But now she has three days to spend every minute with them. It's been hard to keep it a secret. Especially when Charlie asked her this morning to just stay home and play.

They have no idea that she's been planning this. Or that she's silently creeping in the front door, checking to see where they are. Unholstering her weapon, she leaves it in the safe that sits by the door and drops her jacket over the back of the couch.

Usually she's greeted by two toddlers climbing her legs, one sweet little boy hugging her waist and the excited thumping of Boomer's tail against the floor.

But it's early. About the girls' nap time and her son is still in school for a couple more hours. The loft is quiet. Not even a sign of the dog. And if Ella and Charlie are sleeping, she does not want to wake them. Nights of cranky kids have taught her to leave them be.

She peeks in the office to find it empty, checks her bedroom because she's come home to three kids, a dog and her writer crashed out across it more than once and knows he uses it for nap time occasionally when he's writing. But it's just as empty as his office. Not even a wrinkle in the blankets.

She retraces her footsteps back into the living room and heads straight up the stairs. There's only a couple places they could be or they're out for the day and then her surprise is going to fall flat. But usually if Castle has something planned, he tells her or sends her pictures from wherever they happen to be. Her phone has been silent and calm all day. Mostly. There had been a few texts exchanged earlier but he hadn't mentioned leaving.

She's barely on the second stair when she hears the first hushed giggle. Not napping then. It's louder when she reaches the top. Still quiet enough that she can't make out words but she hears his voice. And Ella's.

Nothing prepares her for what she actually sees when she looks in the doorway of their daughters' bedroom. Her heart clenches tight in her chest and warmth zips through her blood. Head to toe warmth that has her smiling so wide she's sure her cheeks will ache. They don't even notice her and it's okay. Because she wants to watch this.

Her little girls dolled up in fairy wings with their faces painted. She knows why, she's had to do it before when they wanted to be fairy princesses and have a royal ball. Ella in pink and green and Charlie in purple and blue. But what stops her heart completely is the dog sitting obediently at the little table with a teacup in front of him and wings on his back, looking just as happy to be there as they are to dote on him.

And her husband...seated at the end of the table in a chair too small and entirely uncomfortable. She knows from experience. Kate has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing. They got to him too. And judging from the smudges of face paint that look a bit like a Jackson Pollock across his face, he let them have full reign. He always does within reason. He's never the one to say no when any of their kids wants to play dress up with crazy ideas. He's usually the one to suggest it and always willing to play whatever role they assign. Which today must have been princess. Of the fairy variety.

She stays back, watching as Charlie pours their tea. Which suspiciously looks like chocolate milk and of course he caved. They ask every time they have an imaginary tea party if they can have real tea and she always says no. But it looks like he caved and gave them something else. She'll admit it's smart.

The girls look happy with it. Ella taking her cup with a bright smile and twinkling eyes that are entirely too mischievous as she pushes a bowl of water towards their spotted, four legged companion. Chattering on about their "tea" and how puppies can't have any. Even if said puppy is now bigger than both of her daughters, all of them still refer to him as the 'pup'.

She almost loses it when Ella calls Castle "Pwincess Daddy" but somehow she chokes it down. Only a small strangled sound escapes and it's enough to catch his attention. His eyes locking on hers. Filling with confusion and surprise and then finally settling on something warm that cuts through her every time. They've been together for years and he still looks at her like she's the only woman he's ever seen. She rounds the corner then, stands directly in the doorway and hears a chorus of "Momma" as two little fairies flitter over to her.

She crouches down to meet them, accepting the hugs and the kisses and returning them with equal excitement. Holding on a little longer than necessary but reveling in the warmth of her girls.

"Did I miss the tea party?" Everyone but the dog shakes their head but it's Castle that answers.

"You're just in time."

"Oh good." And just for dramatic effect, she shrugs a shoulder and meets Charlie's gaze. "I know I'm not a fairy but if a mere human could sit for some tea, I would love that."

Both girls nod and then frown and finally shake their head. Completely in sync with their movements and it's time like this that she remembers just how identical they are.

And then they're taking hold of her hands, tugging her over to the tiny hand carved table. There isn't much room but she sits in the small chair next to her writer and Ella pats her cheek.

"Momma! You're Queen of fairies!"

"Yeah!" Charlie's agreement is just as loud and excited.

"But I don't have magical wings like you guys and no pretty colors on my face." Which she has to admit Castle did a great job with the swirls and flowers and Charlie's blue butterfly wings around her eyes.

He's so metro sometimes but it works well when it comes to hair and face paint. She imagines he perfected it with his oldest. And speaking of Alexis, she should probably mention that she's coming for dinner and movies tonight. But that can wait because she has some family tea party time to catch up on.

"I think our girls can take care of the face paint. I mean they did an amazing job on mine." He's warm and gentle, full of pride and she can't help but smile back at him.

"Oh pwease! Can we?" Charlie asks and Ella is already reaching for the paints that sit in the middle of the table.

There's no way she could ever deny them something like this, so she nods. They can smudge colors all over her if they want.

And they do.

Little hands poking at her face with glitter and pink and purple paints. Charlie adding "lellow" because she's the queen. And even though she has no clue what the significance of that means, she lets it happen. And Kate doesn't care that she probably looks ridiculous, two exceptional brunettes with big smiles are more than worth it.

Their blue eyes happy and filled with concentration.

"Wait," Castle interrupts and all three women turn to look at him. As well as Boomer. "Why is she a queen and I'm stuck as princess? I should be a king."

The twins look at her and then each other. Communicating in a way that she will never be able to understand. Only head tilts and an occasional shrug with some broken language that she's never heard. Not even when they babbled as babies. And then Ella nods.

She's the leader of the two. No matter how often they try to get Charlie to come out of her shell, she's content how she is and that's okay too.

"Otay. You be King Daddy."

They all giggle when he puffs up. Proud of his new title and he wraps an arm around the back of Kate's chair and pulls her closer.

"As king, I say we start this shindig."

The girls messily drop the face paints, their fingers getting wiped on their clothes and she's thankful it's all washable. Nothing to fuss over because this is more important.

She holds her cup as Charlie pours as steadily as she can. And no one says anything about the little drops that spill over the sides.

"Thank you."

Boomer barks, his tail thumping as Ella takes a seat next to him and Charlie carefully puts the little teapot back down. She smiles at them, proud of herself and without even looking, Kate knows that Castle winks at their daughter. Because Charlie giggles, her hand over her mouth and her eyes lit up as she sits down next to Kate.

With her writer on one side and her littlest on the other, the decision to come home early seems like a pretty great one. Even though she knows Castle is still stunned to see her. He won't ask about cases or work in front of their kids.

She nudges him with an elbow while their daughters sip their chocolate milk.

"Nice tiara, Princess." She gives him a look. One that says she'll explain things later but to just play along. He does.

He makes a face, pouting just a little and she reaches up to pinch his cheek.

"I'm the king."

"Mhm." She doesn't say anything more. Not even to tease. She leans in, kisses those pouty lips and bumps her nose to his. Just a split second before she turns her attention to the little one tugging at her sleeve.

She has a tea party to celebrate.

* * *

Dinner in their family is a chore. It was harder before they'd rearranged and pulled out the table. It's a permanent fixture now.

A wise decision for when they're all home to eat and when Alexis drops in too. Occasionally she brings her boyfriend. Her ex-fiance that is now her boyfriend and Kate always assumed her relationship with Castle had been confusing but they've got nothing on his daughter and her beau. Tonight she's alone. And was mauled before she could even step inside. So many little voices asking questions before they could even sit down to eat and Wes insisting that she be the one to help him with his homework.

She did, happily. And all through dinner, it was questions and talking with their mouths full even when Kate told them not to. But they were always excited to see their big sister and she let it go after the tenth "and then what?" that was mumbled around a mouthful of chicken. Manners clearly were not the topic of the night.

It simmers. The questions and "watch this" and Charlie tugging at her sleeve had dulled down before they found themselves in front of the TV. They had calmed enough that Alexis sits on her own without all three of them climbing her.

It's only Wes that curls against her side when the movie starts. Disney night. Starting with The Lion King. And eventually each kid will fall asleep in the middle of a movie and either she or Castle will carry them to bed. Happens every time. The girls are stretched out on a pallet that Kate insists is a little too close to the TV but Castle counters and swears it's fine.

And she lets it go when he wraps an arm around her shoulders. Just for tonight.

Five minutes in and the questions start again. Wes is the ever curious movie watcher. Asking what will happen and why after every scene and instead of shushing him, Alexis answers each time.

Family nights are something they all look forward to and it's been awhile since they had one. She's glad she thought of it today. And when Castle whispers a thank you in her ear, she knows he's been missing them too.

She relaxes into him, not even paying attention to the movie but to their family instead.

"You're welcome." She feels his lips against her head. Smiles up at him and huffs out a laugh when he wipes a smudge of pink from her ear.

"You made one beautiful fairy queen."

"Shush and watch the movie." But she's blushing a little and it's ridiculous that he can still make her feel like this. And over something so silly.

"How many days did you take off?" It catches her off guard, makes her pull back to look at him.

She hadn't got around to telling him about it. Other than the obvious fact that she came home early. But Castle knows. She sees it in his face and without even questioning it, she shakes her head.

"Three. Since Wes has a little break from school, I thought it would be nice."

"It will be. It is." And later, she'll show him just how nice but for now she curls back into him and continues watching.

Neither of them even watching the screen but the wiggling bodies in the floor but the kids are glued.

Alexis fielding questions and giving in depth descriptions. With Wes growing restless enough that he eventually ends up between his sisters. And Boomer scooting his way across the floor as if no one will notice. He thinks he's a kid too. Stretching out next to Ella and laying his head on his paws as she props hers up in her hands.

"Thirty minutes and they'll crash." Castle says it softly, not to alert them but Alexis hears.

She shakes her head. Smiling at her dad.

"Five for Charlie." And she's right. Kate can see their little one drifting in and out already. Struggling to keep her eyes open.

Which is a shame because it hasn't reached her favorite part yet but sure enough, five minutes and those eyes stop struggling. Fluttering closed and staying that way. Kate leaves her curled into her brother for now.

And she joins their game. "Twenty for Ella."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**A/N: New chapter! If you haven't noticed, I've been on an updating spree. Good news: I'm focusing on this fic quite a bit over the next several weeks. Part of my resolution happens to be finishing up the fics I have in a more timely manner so I can post some others I've been working on. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**I was feeling nostalgic ;) **

The sun is shining through the windows, streaking warmth across the quiet loft. Leaving shadows from the toys scattered around. The living room is a disaster but it'll still be a mess later. For now the tornadoes are napping. It's the middle of a Saturday and Beckett managed to get all three kids down for a nap without much of a fuss. Minus a small argument with Ella about the importance of naps and assuring her fifteen times that she would not miss anything important while she rested. Not that Ella believed her but eventually the exhaustion claimed her and she lost the battle.

Kate doesn't know why she's feeling nostalgic, why she ends up in the closet and digging through boxes that haven't been touched in years. Maybe it's because her husband is gone and she doesn't really know what to do with herself when she's completely alone. Not anymore. Not since she's used to a crazy home life. She loves it, she loves every loud moment. Every wild adventure with Castle and their clan of minions. His words, not hers. But without little hands pawing at her, tiny voices asking for a hundred and one things all at once and at least two tantrums, she's just not sure what to do with herself. At work she has cases to keep her busy, at home she has the kids and then when the kids are sleeping, she's with Castle and then it's his hands pawing at her. Which leads to a whole new way to keep busy.

Except today she's alone. He's at a publishing meeting and she's been talking to Boomer for ten minutes just to fill the silence. But he left too, probably tired of her rambling. She knows he's probably in Weston's room, sprawled over the bed with her son. The dog is just another kid in their family. Just as noisy and crazy sometimes. He's mellowed a lot but he still knocks things over when he gets scared and tries to hide under a table that he's too tall for.

She used to love the quiet, reveled in it and relaxed. She still enjoys it but she's just not as comfortable anymore. She finds she prefers loud and giggling kids.

And now she's sitting in the closet floor with a box in her lap because she's actually reached boredom. She could clean, she could read a book or even join her children for a nap but something in her brain decided to bring her here. She knows what's inside, remembers as they added to it over the years. They have a new one now. Three new ones. Each box decorated with the name of one of their kids. And new things are added all the time. Pictures they draw, little milestones they complete, and a notebook for each with a letter from her and one from Castle for each birthday.

It's been their tradition, something to give their kids when they're going off to college or just moving out into the world. That's not something she cares to think about. But she's a rational woman and she knows they will grow up and they will leave the nest. A few weeks ago, they celebrated Cub's birthday and maybe that's what made her think of the baby box.

The one she's lifting the lid off of right now. It's filled with everything from both pregnancies, sonograms, little scribbled notes, their baby name book, blankets and first outfits. For some reason, she wants to go through it. She needs to see and touch all of it again.

The photo album is the first thing she pulls out. She remembers when they bought it, she wasn't very far along with their son and on a shopping trip, she had carefully placed it into the cart. Castle hadn't questioned it but she'd satisfied his curiosity by telling him it was for the pictures he kept taking of her baby bump. And for the sonograms. She'd acted as if it wasn't anything too special but both of them had known it was.

Still is.

It's big now. Overstuffed because of two pregnancies and three little babies. She still leans back and cracks it open. The very first photograph brings a smile to her face. She didn't have a clue when he'd told her to turn sideways that it would end up being the very first in a book of memories. She'd had no idea. None whatsoever and somehow that showed. How wide her smile had been and how happy she was - still is - because they were having a baby. Not aware of everything that meant, not a clue that she'd end up with a son. Not even a bump visible and they'd still been madly in love with their baby.

Nothing has changed. Except he's not a baby anymore. And maybe that's why she's in here looking through this box. Her son goes to school. And next year her daughters will too.

But not yet. They're just napping and she's feeling nostalgic. That's all it is.

She's still staring at that same photo when she hears the footsteps, when her ears pick up the sounds of them coming closer. And part of her is glad that he's home. She knows it's Castle by the way he walks and yet she's still unmoving.

"Kate?" It's softer than she expects, his voice an octave lower.

"In here." Her answer just as soft as she traces her fingers around the edge of the album.

He probably expects her to be getting dressed or putting clothes away because he stops short when he's looming in the doorway and can see that she's just sitting in the middle of the floor.

"I'm guessing the kids are asleep and you're...care to share?"

"Baby stuff. Just looking at it." She catches the way he softens, his face filling with affection and blue eyes twinkling. "How was the meeting?"

"Same as usual. Want some company?" He's sitting before she can answer, he knows she would have nodded.

She leans into him, letting his arm wrap around her and pull her closer. Her cheek presses to his shoulder when he kisses her head and she doesn't think the thud of her heart will ever slow around him. They've been married for years and she still melts.

"Any reason we're strolling down memory lane in the middle of our closet?" Now that someone is here with her and laying it out, it sounds silly. But she presses further into him, nudges his jaw with her nose.

"It was too quiet. I don't really know how I ended up in here."

He reaches for the album as if he's just noticing what she's looking at and she watches his face transform.

"I remember this day."

"Me too. I thought you were crazy but I wanted the photos too. I wanted to see the difference over time." It's still amazing to her.

"When you started showing and I bugged you almost every day for a new picture because I didn't want to miss anything."

She remembers that too. She also remembers telling him no quite a bit and one night she had taken his phone hostage. She chooses to let it slide now and finally turns the page.

He comments on each photo, and when they get to the one where she has a very distinct baby bump, he makes her pause. He stares and traces the image, smiling.

"You were so stunning that morning." It's quiet. Barely a whisper but she scoffs in response. Clearly they are not seeing the same photo.

With the sex hair and the fact that she's in her underwear. Her face still pink from their round on the bathroom counter and the annoyed look on her face because she was going to be late for work but he'd insisted.

She doesn't say anything though. Because if he thought she was stunning then she's not about to argue that. She won't. She pushes her mouth against his jaw instead. A quiet thank you that he wasn't asking for. She gives it anyway.

For the most part, they're quiet as they flip through her pregnancy with Wes. Both smiling and comfortable with the warmth of each other.

They're halfway through when they reach the first picture taken of their son and she sighs. He rubs her arm and she looks up at him.

"He was perfect, Kate. He is perfect."

"I couldn't agree more. I was terrified that day." If that's even a strong enough word for what she felt.

"We both were but everything was fine." His fingers punctuate his statement with a squeeze to her hip and she settles.

Next page. Pregnancy number two. And the first photo has her in pajamas, Wes on her hip, and Castle's face taking up most of the corner. She laughs almost as much as she laughed that day. They look ridiculous. She was irritated that morning, trying to feed the baby and Castle had wanted a family photo with her nonexistent baby belly. Between his beaming smile, her frown and the fact that Cub was mid scream, it summed things up pretty well.

Page after page of memories flooded through her, some happy, some terrifying and ultimately the last image contained was their first full family photograph. With two tiny baby girls and one smiling toddler.

And now they're here. With three crazy kids and they're sitting in a closet. At least their children come by it honestly.

"Sometimes I miss them being so tiny." She does. Not that she isn't in love with them now or proud of who they've become but sometimes she misses the way they would snuggle into her when they were infants.

She feels her husband shrug, feels his words in her hair.

"We could have another." He says it gently, as if it might scare her.

He's right to because it does. She startles out of his hold, staring at him wide eyed.

"Are you crazy?"

"I thought maybe this was you saying you want a baby."

"No! No. I mean, we have a family and I'm happy with our three. I don't want another baby." She really doesn't. Not that she'd be unhappy if by some chance it happened but she's happy with their family, she's not wanting to try to add to it. "Wait, do you want another baby?"

"Me? No. Not that I wouldn't love any child of ours but I'm not exactly young here, Kate."

Neither is she anymore but he was all for it moments ago because he thought it's something she wanted. And she eases back into him. Leaning close and running a hand through his hair, she strokes her thumb over the few grays at his temple. He hates them but she doesn't. She thinks they're sexy.

"I love you, babe but I'm not asking for a baby."

"Okay." Before he can say another word, she's smothering his lips with her own.

Her hand pushing at his chest until he leans back. The album forgotten on the floor as the heat of his tongue slides along hers. He has her shirt off before she can even work the buttons through the loops on his. His hands hot and exploring. Caressing over skin and she knows they won't be leaving this closet.

Nap time might be her favorite.

* * *

Ella is the first awake. It's not a surprise, she's always last to fall asleep and the first to open her eyes. But she's a grump. Frowning in her seat at the table, staring down at her macaroni and cheese as if it's done something to offend her.

Charlie is still tired, yawning after every bite but still awake enough to make her chicken nugget tyrannosaurus dive into her bowl. Giggling at herself and announcing to everyone that he's "wimmin" and Kate finds herself smiling along with her little girl. Correcting her gently and trying to help her sound out the word.

Ella's still not having it. Not even when Wes offers her a drink of his juice because she usually steals his anyway. She mumbles a no and finally takes a bite. He tries to get her to play with him, his dinosaur chicken nuggets chasing hers and usually Beckett would chastise them for playing and not eating but Castle is currently encouraging Charlie's dinosaur pool party and there's no point when their father is involved.

"Ella, sweetie, what's wrong?" Kate waits for a reply, knowing she's in for a long one.

Ella inherited the dramatic gene. And the moment she sighs and puts her spoon down, it's clear this time will be no different.

"I missed portant stuff!"

"What? Honey, no you didn't."

"Daddy's home." Oh. Ohhh. She knows now why their girl is a grump. Their Peanut is also a major daddy's girl and he came home while she was napping.

She didn't get to run and climb his leg like she usually does. Didn't get the kisses he showers her with as he picks her up and tickles her. He's spoiled them all and honestly, that's the best part of him being their father. No one else would love as deeply as he does. He's the best father and she always hopes he sees her as the best mother because she tries. She knows she isn't perfect, like right now she has no idea what to say to their daughter who is looking at her as if she's expecting something.

So she sucks in a breath, reaches for Ella's hand and does her best.

"I'm sorry you missed him coming home but he was here when you woke up and he even snuggled with all of you while I made lunch."

"Don't be hard on your mom, Els Bells. You needed the nap." For a moment she's quiet and Wes has moved on to joining Charlie's Mac and cheese pool party for the dinos.

That's a mess to be cleaned up later.

But then Ella huffs and grabs a nugget. Biting it with more force than necessary.

"Never again. Never ever. No nap."  
She's feisty. Blue eyes defiant and stubborn. And cranky but Kate ruffles her hair anyway and kisses her face.

"Okay Miss Ella, but don't talk with your mouth full." She pretends to not hear the grumbled reply.

Instead she ends up joining the great dinosaur tirade that Castle has created. Complete with broccoli as trees and bowls of macaroni as mountains. As long as they eat some of it, she considers it a successful lunch. Even if she catches Wes sharing with Boomer more than once.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**A/N: A special little Valentine's Day chapter because this was supposed to be posted yesterday. Oopsies.**

**Enjoy. **

Early mornings have always been something Beckett has to deal with. Whether it be murder or an internal clock. Her body rarely lets her rest late even if she isn't called out and this morning, she was the first to open her eyes. A little startling considering she's usually poked awake before daylight by little hands or elbows and knees jabbing into her as one or more tiny human crawls up on the bed. But it was quiet this morning and she'd had to be the one to poke them awake.

Maybe she shouldn't have enjoyed that so much.

They were her helpers though and she'd needed them. For the surprise. A Valentine's Day surprise that's now on a tray in her hands as she's flanked by three kids in matching dinosaur pajamas. Pajamas she bought because her daughters begged for them so they could be like their brother.

And each kid has something in their hands. Wes is carefully carrying a plate of heart shaped cookies loaded down with sprinkles.

That was Ella's doing. Insisting that Daddy loves sprinkles and needed extra. Kate let her go overboard knowing that Castle would indeed love them.

Charlie is hugging the gifts as if terrified to let them go and Ella has the cards in her glittery hands. It's not only sprinkles she goes crazy with.

"Okay guys, shhh. We don't want to wake him before we get there." It stops the excited chatter for a moment and she smiles down at her kids, all three a mirror image of her in pjs and suffering messy bed hair.

But this is the first time she's the one to make him breakfast in bed on this particular day. And her heart swells at the thought of finally besting him in their little game. Years of waking just a few minutes too late and now she's won. All because she made sure to keep him up, to inspire him. To wear him out and leave him itching to write all at the same time. She knows him, every part of him and all it took last night was a particular set of lingerie, red and more string and lace than anything. He'd been putty. She'd interrupted his writing session, knowing he would go back to it after she fell asleep. Pretended to fall asleep, just to be sure.

And now she's tiptoeing into their bedroom behind their three small children because she's finally going to surprise him. They exchange gifts every year, include the kids because it's about love and not just of the romantic kind and that why she's sitting the tray carefully on the nightstand.

She winks at Wes and that's their signal, the one that leaves all three of them hovering around a sleeping Castle. Even Boomer joins.

"Daddy," Charlie whispers it, she always whispers to wake people. But she never reaches out, never touches.

Meanwhile Ella pokes him in the nose and giggles when he scrunches his face.

He's awake, that's the moment Kate knows he's been awake since they came in. He's playing along. His eyes remaining closed as Wes puts down the plate of cookies and grins in mischief. She nods at him, tells him it's okay and then joins their game.

"Well...guys, I guess he's just too tired. You know what that means, right? Storm the castle."

They do. The squeals and excitement would be enough to wake him if he were actually asleep but he isn't. She catches the twitch of his lips and he knows what's coming before the twins ever shove their goodies at her. With their hands free, three busy little bodies scramble up on the bed, climbing him like a mountain until they're covering him. Giggling the whole time as Wes declares battle and that's when he moves. That's when Castle grabs their son with gentle hands and locks him against his chest. Sitting up and letting out a battle cry.

"No! Daddy got him!" Ella plays her role perfectly, pulling at his arms and telling him to free the "hostick" which they all know means hostage in her world.

When Charlie giggles and joins in, Castle looks at Kate. Eyes playful and daring and she knows how this ends.

"I have your soldier and I might be willing to release him...for a price." He smirks at her and she knows his price. She's paid it before, and she's used the same tactic herself when she's the one with the hostage in these silly little games.

Wes wiggles and begs for help and she pretends to be absolutely insulted by the trade.

"I don't negotiate."

"Then it seems I'll be keeping the boy."

"There's no need for that, we'll go peacefully. Leave you to your breakfast." She's trying to keep a straight face, failing when Wes giggles because his captor has resorted to tickling him.

And Ella is still trying to play hero, climbing up on Castle's shoulders, tugging at his ears. Until he's reaching around and grabbing her too. Locking both kids in his embrace and winking at her.

"Two out of three. You sure you don't negotiate?"

"Momma! Save us!" With two kids yelling, Charlie trying her hardest to pull them free and Castle smiling, Kate knows she has no choice.

She has to save her soldiers.

"I might be willing to strike a trade if you release one of them now."

He does. Wes is freed and then he just has squirmy little Ella pushing at his hands as he tickles her sides.

"Help me, Momma!"

"Save the girl, Kate. You know what I want." He's ridiculous. Smiling and wiggling his eyebrows.

She shakes her head but steps close enough to lean over and ghost her lips over his. Soft and quick. Lingering just a moment when he kisses her, a second time. That's her mistake, how she loses the war. It gives him the opening to tug her down, knock her off balance. Her hands are full and he has the advantage.

A surprised yelp and she's half in his lap with three giggling kids and a dog staring at them.

"He got you!" All of their kids shout it. A little too loud for the early hour but she's the one who started this. She's the one who got them so hyped. And now the game is over. With her face inches from his and those eyes full of love for her, she waves the white flag.

"Yeah. Yeah, he got me." She doesn't care that the cards and gifts spill over their laps, she reaches up and strokes her thumb over his ear. "We made you breakfast. And brought you presents."

Charlie is the first to ask, to crawl in his lap as soon as Beckett slides over to sit next to him. She's their shy girl and yet the first to ask him if wants to open hers. And with those big blue eyes, she knows he's powerless to do anything but. Her card is purple and blue, not the traditional colors but it's obvious he adores her little scribbled drawing and the stickers she covered it with.

A box goes with it and Beckett smiles as he opens it quickly, impatiently. He's worse than the boy settling in her lap and their first born daughter leaning against Boomer.

It's a pocket size book. One Charlie picked herself because it had aliens on the cover. It's about conspiracies and right up his alley.

"Happy tiny day!" Her smile is infectious, her joy abundant and Castle kisses her head, thanking her with an enthusiasm that can't be faked.

No one corrects her. She tried so hard this morning to say valentine and she got too frustrated. Tiny day works just as well for now.

Ella's card is next. Glitter hearts covering the bright pink paper and as soon as he opens it, more glitter falls into his lap. She'd wanted it to be pretty and sparkly. Mission accomplished. It's adorable to watch as he starts to open the box and she starts to bounce with excitement. Beckett can't wait for this one because she knows he's such a good father that he'll use it every single day without fail, he'll love it and be proud.

He chuckles when he sees it, already winking at Ella before he pulls it out. A pink Disney Princess mug.

"It matches mine!" She's so excited about it, so very sure of herself and it does match the little plastic one she has upstairs.

"I love it, sweetheart." And Kate knows he'll be using it as soon as possible. He'll do anything for their kids. For her.

"Okay, Cub's and then mine comes later." She emphasizes the last word. Making sure he understands that she wants to be alone with him.

He doesn't say a word. He just opens the last card covered in crooked letters. Wes had asked for her help, made her call out letters so he could write a message. It's uneven and the spacing is nonexistent but it's adorable. And touching.

"Did your mom write this for you?" She wants to shove him for that one but doesn't because he's building their son's confidence and she can't be insulted over that.

"No! I did it by myself."

"You did great, buddy." He did. She had only helped with the letters he didn't know yet. She kisses his cheek, still so proud of him.

Castle opens the last box and Wes is already asking if he likes it. He does. It's obvious. From one boy to another, it's a perfect gift and she's so glad she let them pick and didn't try to change their minds or steer them to something more conventional. She let them have all the power and now he has a book on aliens, a princess coffee cup and a model ship waiting to be built.

They share the breakfast, smirking back and forth because there's a surprise hidden in the closet and the kids have no clue but there's more mischief in Castle's eyes that she questions as the kids destroy the plate of cookies. This one time, she lets them.

And instead of answering her when she asks what's going on, he nods to their son. Who then runs out of the room.

"Castle?"

"Did you think we didn't get you anything for Valentine's Day?"

"I -" She doesn't actually know. She got so caught up in his surprise that she hadn't even thought about herself.

"Come on, Kate. We've been together long enough you should know better." He's right. It's been a long time.

And when Cub returns with a card almost as tall as he is and an armful of gifts, she shakes her head at all of them. They kept their secret well. And apparently made her a gigantic card covered in handprints, stickers and glitter.

"I'll open these, if you three go look in the closet."

Their faces are priceless as they scramble. Knocking each other over and tripping all the way there. Inside is a balloon for each, a basket of candy that she'll regret later and something special for each. A Spider-Man watch for their superhero obsessed boy and two necklaces for their little ladies.

It's a good morning. Complete with sugar highs, snuggles and her gifts. Each one special and absolutely cherished. Charlie's is a book and she wonders if their daughter will be a reader. She got books for both of them. Something tells her she will be. Wes got her a Wonder Woman action figure that she's not sure is actually for her but it'll go on her desk anyway. And Ella...well her gift is a shirt. One that Beckett will wear even if it does have big bold flowers all over it in multiple neon colors. Not really her style, more Martha's but she loves it anyway.

It's definitely a great morning.

Until she's called away.

* * *

It's late when she makes it back home. But she hears the kids, gets tackled by them as soon as she opens the door. She's looked forward to it all day, from the moment she left them with hugs and promises that she would be home before they went to bed. She made it. Just in time. They're still warm from their baths. Hair damp and pjs on.

Wes has a smudge of toothpaste on his chin and Charlie is asking for her hair to be braided.

She unstraps her weapon first, locking it in the safe before she crouches down to their level. And her son protests when she rubs her thumb over the toothpaste still on his face. Charlie asks again, quietly if she'll do her hair and Ella has already climbed on her back.

"I'll braid it, baby, but first I gotta get rid of this monkey on my back." Beckett reaches around to tickle her until she's sliding down and running away to find something better to do.

And Wes chases. They're loud tonight but she only shushes them once. Just a soft request that they calm just a little because it's almost time for bed.

She has Charlie's hair braided in minutes. Despite the interruptions. And she realizes she has no idea where Castle is.

"Where's your dad?" She asks in general, no specific target but Wes grins and is the first to answer.

"Surprising you!"

That's when he makes his entrance. Coming out of his office with a warm smile. One she almost returns before she catches movement out of the corner of her eye and catches Ella mid lick and Charlie screaming "ew".

"Ella Jo! We do not lick people. Or things. Tongues stay in our mouths." Her defense of being a puppy is overridden by the snicker Castle lets out and the positively predatory look on his face.

Beckett pushes off the couch, rolling her eyes at him. Of course his mind is on other things.

"Behave. You're worse than the toddlers." She doesn't know why she tries...he never listens. His fingers wrap around her hip before she can head for the kitchen. His voice rough in her ear with a promise of what's to come.

"Not my fault when you taste like heaven." It's low, barely audible but she hears. She feels it and her body flushes with heat.

"Hush. Before you scar the children."

Except she knows they aren't listening. Too busy playing. With one still barking and two others talking amongst themselves. All of them sleepy and barely hanging on.

Soon they'll crash and when they do, she plans to hook her fingers into his belt loops and tell him he can put that tongue to better use. After she shows him his gift. And preferably after she finds out what he has planned for her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: It's still a no. **

**A/N: For those who asked, there will be a second part to the previous chapter and it'll be posted Monday as a oneshot. Also I just got a tumblr set up for reblogging and fics and I'll take oneshot prompts there: nellie-rai **

**Now for this little chapter. :) Be ready for some Charlie time.**

Their date is cut short half way through their first course. They don't make it to the dancing portion of the evening. They never really get past the first few sips of wine after a couple bites of a meal that's beyond fantastic. The phone interrupts. But this time she isn't being torn from their night for anything work related. The call that has her reaching inside her clutch for her phone comes from Alexis.

And it makes her heart drop to her toes. Alexis is their babysitter for the evening. Alexis is the one that insisted they have a night out and Kate knows she wouldn't be calling if it's something trivial. She answers it quickly. Her eyes on her husband and her lip between her teeth the moment she hears a little voice yelling for her. This has never been a thing. They've left before and the kids are fine so her heart shattering at the scream of "Momma" isn't something she's dealt with very often. She knows that wail. She knows it's Charlie and that makes it even harder to listen when Alexis tries to calm the girl long enough to explain.

She's already asking what's wrong, already pushing up from her chair and giving Castle a look that has him reaching for his wallet. Something isn't right and her growling stomach and their date night can wait. She listens long enough to hear Alexis come across frazzled and scared. That's all she needs to be grabbing her things in a rush. She assures her they'll be home quickly and repeatedly tells her to call back if the situation worsens.

She's waiting with the car service when Castle finally comes out. She almost snaps something about how long he took but he looks just as worried as she feels and instead of saying anything, she slides in first and then leans against his shoulder when he settles next to her.

"I could hear Charlie." He says it softly, and it shouldn't make her lips tilt but it does. Just a little because their girl is usually always quiet. "Is she okay?"

Oh. She's been rushing around, demanding they go home, worried over how long it took to pay their bill that she didn't even tell him more. And now he's tense and staring at her with a fear in his gaze that she's only seen a few times. So she nods, wraps her fingers around his and reminds herself that everything is probably just fine.

"Charlie isn't feeling well. Alexis says she has a low grade temp but she's wanting us and won't stop crying. Sorry, I got caught up in us getting home."

"I figured it wasn't anything too bad or you would've mentioned hospital somewhere in that mom monologue to Alexis."

"Still scared you. I should have explained better, I'm sorry." And she is, she should have made sure he understood that Charlie isn't hurt because he's a dad first.

He worries, he exaggerates and she knows every worst case scenario has been flooding his brain. So she leans a little heavier onto him, smudges her lips to his jaw and the unease melts just enough. Both of them are still tense, still in a race to be home as soon as possible. Neither like being away and especially not when something like this happens. They've been lucky. She can't recall one time when this has happened before. Then again, they rarely leave the kids for a date. Usually it's family date night and then adult time after the munchkins are asleep.

But tonight is different. Tonight is their belated Valentine's Day date and Alexis had insisted they go out alone. And now Kate's feeling guilty. She'd known Charlie wasn't herself. Because the twins had helped her pick out her dress and shoes. They had helped choose makeup and hairstyle. And Charlie had been clinging and quieter than usual. She'd asked Kate to wear her hair half up because it was 'pwetty' and then she'd just sat in the floor and watched.

And now they're hurrying home because she should have made Charlie tell her what was wrong. She'd asked and her daughter had shook her head and said she was fine. For a toddler, she's very internal with most things. And maybe that's her fault. Which is why Beckett is kicking herself, she knows that and she didn't push. She'd been excited about dressing up, going out for a meal and dancing. And now she feels awful.

How long is this drive anyway? It feels like they've been in the car for more than just a few minutes. And not even the hand that slips from hers to squeeze her thigh is enough to calm her. She just wants her daughter and judging by the way Castle's leg is bouncing, he does too.

Alexis is smart and they trust her endlessly with her brother and sisters but they both just need to see for themselves that their little Cash is alright. And when they stop at a light, Beckett is cursing under her breath and pressing her cheek to Castle's shoulder. She needs to be home. She knows if Charlotte is so upset then Wes and Ella will be freaking out over her. And she needs to be there.

It helps when the man at her side breaks their unsettled silence.

"Just a few more blocks." It's further but she doesn't correct him. Because she knows he's saying it to comfort himself as much as her.

"She's fine. I know she is but I just...I need to see."

* * *

Everything takes too long. The drive. The elevator. And by the time she steps out, she's rushing for the door and has him by the hand. Except he's keeping up just fine and already has his key out before they make it.

He's quick, and she briefly lets her mind wander to his fingers and the flick of his wrist but as soon as she's stepping into the loft and hears the muffled cry, she's forgetting everything but the little girl with her face buried against Alexis. Charlie doesn't even notice her, not until she's dropping on the couch next to them and reaching for her.

"Hey, sweetheart." She rubs her back first, letting her know she's home and as soon as Charlie realizes it, she's vacating her sister's lap to launch herself into her mother's. "Shhhh, you're okay."

Despite the words, Kate holds her tight in one arm. Wiping at her tear stained cheeks and simultaneously checking for fever. Castle checks too, their hands bumping as they both come to the same conclusion. She's not hot. A little warm but not burning up.

"I'm so sorry. I asked what was wrong and took her temp but she freaked when I tried to give her some tylenol. I called right after." Alexis blurts it all out, one rush. No breath between and Castle kisses her head.

"No, Alexis, you did great." He's reassuring her and Charlie is slowly calming.

She's okay. She just wanted her mom.

"The other two are upstairs in Weston's room continuing their movie. I might've made a mistake by letting them take a large bowl of popcorn up there but I figured if she's sick, it's best to keep them at a distance."

Kate hugs Charlie to her chest, trying to calm the last of her fussing and smiles warmly at her step-daughter.

"Look at you, Lex. Ready for your own babies?" The reaction she gets is priceless. A blush from the redhead and a startled 'no' from a pale Castle. "C'mon, babe, she was engaged already and now they're back together. I see a wedding soon."

She does it to tease him, just to see the look on his face. And right now, she's doing it just to ease the tension they'd felt.

"Actually, dad, she's right. We've talked about how we ended our engagement and I think soon we'll take that step." When he sees the smile Alexis blooms, he softens. Like he always does.

And she gives up the teasing for now. She focuses on their youngest, on her rosy cheeks and the sniffles. On how she still has tears leaking from her eyes and how she clings. Kate wants out of the dress, out of her heels and just in snuggle clothes that are soft. But the moment she tries to hand Charlie to Castle, the crying starts again. Loud and startling.

"Whoa, hey, hey it's just me, Charlie-bug." If the girl hears him, she shows no sign of it. Her arms tighten around Beckett, her face pressed to her chest.

"It's okay, I'll take her with me." She lifts her easily and tiny legs wrap around her waist.

She rubs her back as she carries her, speaking softly. Whispered words of comfort to calm her down. And once they're in the bedroom, she manages to grab a shirt and some yoga pants while juggling a toddler who is doing a great job playing monkey despite being so upset.

There's no way she's getting undressed with a child in her arms, so she tries to lay her down on the bed. But that doesn't work. It upsets her more and leaves Beckett at a loss. She finally sits with her, runs her fingers through those soft waves that Castle always says their kids got from her.

"Charlotte, I need you to tell me what's wrong. Why are you crying? Does something hurt?" The reply she gets is nothing but a whimpering sniffle. "Baby, I can't help if you don't tell me."

"Owie."

"Owie? Something hurts. Where?" It takes a few moments but finally Charlie quiets enough to move and the first thing she does is touch her ear, whimpering again. "Your ear hurts?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. We'll get you some medicine, okay? But you have to let go."

"No." A tiny weak protest but it's still a protest.

"Charlie..." It's a sigh and one matched by her daughter. But she tries a different approach. Her little girl doesn't feel well and she'll try something new instead of letting herself get frustrated. "How bout you sit right here on the bed while I put my pajamas on? I won't leave you."

It's working because instead of an immediate protest, watery blue eyes blink up at her as a little trembling lip pouts.

"I'm right here. I'm staying with you." And then in one final attempt, she hands Charlie her shirt. "I'll let you wear this, so we can both put on our pajamas at the same time."

It works. She gets a tiny smile.

"Othay." And finally the little one slides off her lap to sit on the bed.

She helps her dress first. Pulling off the pjs she was already in and helping her maneuver into a shirt entirely too big for her. It swallows her. But she's grinning and her cheeks are drying. One soft purple tee and she's sitting quietly. Sniffling only a little and playing with the hem.

"You can keep that one. It's always been my favorite." And she can already tell, it's Charlie's too.

"Momma?"

"Hm?" When the tears well up again, Kate knows they're in for a long night.

So she's quick. She strips in a hurry and dresses even faster. Her shirt barely over her head before she crawls up on the bed.

"Lay with me." She wants to get some medicine down her, wants to make sure the fever won't spike but she just wants her comfortable long enough to calm.

She's been a mom long enough to know that giving any kind of medicine to an upset child does not end well. It usually ends with her wearing it. And she knows as soon as anything worsens, they'll be packing up and heading to the hospital. Just to be safe. Which will leave Charlie even more upset. So for now, she calms her, eases her. She lays her down on the pillow and strokes her back, she tells her a story about cops and robbers.

All of the kids love those stories the best. And she knows why. She knows her other half talks about her work with them and how she's the good guy that catches _all _the bad guys. Because that's just who he is. That's what he does. He makes things up and she can't even be upset with him for it. Although she does try to add in that she works with lots of other people that catch bad guys and it's not just her.

And before long, Castle joins them. He sits on the edge and reaches over to press the back of his hand to Charlie's cheeks and forehead.

"Hey, you telling your mom a good story?" He gets her to nod but she's eying him, already caught sight of the little medicine cup in his hand. "This will make it better, can you take it for us?"

She's their skeptical child. The one that doesn't always believe what they tell her and she's the hardest to get any medicine down but after one whimper, she sits up and lets him lift it to her mouth. She doesn't fight and she doesn't cling to Beckett.

"I think your mom wants you to finish that story now." He winks at her, kisses her head and Kate feels her heart skip.

"She has an ear ache. Maybe an ear infection, if it gets worse we -"

"Kate."

Right. He knows how this works. He knows and she needs to calm herself some.

"Alexis okay?"

"Yeah, she just left. She's fine. I told her that Charlie is just a Momma's girl when she doesn't feel very well and not to take it personally."

"Wes and Ella?"

"Passed out in Cub's room. Boomer is up there too."

It twists her stomach a little. She's always gone up to check on them even if they're sleeping when she makes it home. She's always tucked them in, kissed them goodnight. But she doesn't want to leave their youngest when the girl is just now calming down.

"Charlie, can you stay with daddy for a minute while I say goodnight to Ella and Wes?" She won't if the tears start again. She'll stay until Cash falls asleep and then sneak away. But instead she gets the silent nod.

"We're good. Go."

She does. She's up in a flash and already hurrying but she pauses at the door, turning back to watch as Castle pulls their daughter against his chest. He makes it clear by the way he leans back against the headboard and snuggles down with her that Charlie is sleeping with them tonight. And she's glad they're on the same page because she would've insisted on it herself.

Their romantic night will come. Just not tonight. Tonight they'll be providing snuggles for their toddler.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: not mind. see all previous chapters.**

**A/N: This one ran away from me. No regrets though because I'm pretty excited about how it turned out. **

It's almost stifling in the small studio. There are mirrors that elongate the room but with so many little ones giggling and stumbling, it's stuffy. The atmosphere is bridled with tension, nervousness. And Kate smiles encouragingly when Charlie catches her eye mid uncoordinated spin. The girls have begged for this. And so she brought them. She let Castle and Wes have their father/son date and she brought her daughters to their first dance lesson. She's becoming that mom. The dance mom, the soccer mom. The any-sport-the-kids-participate-in mom.

It's fun. For the most part, she's enjoying watching Ella twirl in her bright pink sparkling leo that she just had to have. With little dance shoes that Kate knows will be lost the moment they get home. Something she'll have to hunt for before their next session. But this is what they wanted and they're having fun. She watches, ignoring the other moms around her as she focuses on her twins. They're still standing a little off to the side, in their own little bubble. Just them. But they're following direction really well and yeah, she's beaming with pride. Her babies are adorable. Bright eyes and smiles, their hair in lopsided ponytails with white bows - courtesy of their father. Maybe she's biased but she's pretty in love with how adorable they look in little leos. Charlie picked the purple with little flowers. Mild compared to her sister's. It still amazes Kate, how different they are despite being identical. Their personalities couldn't be more night and day. They may look the same but they're completely opposite. She's still surprised they both agreed on dance.

She's not surprised that Ella twirls and giggles and Charlie spins with determination etched across her face. She doesn't even notice the other kids.

She asked Cub to come, thought he might be interested in dance but he wanted to stay with Castle. Something about already having plans. Which she was not aware of and still has no clue what they're doing. It worries her a little. She's come home to interesting things before and something tells her that her boys are up to no good.

As parents of multiples, they do their best to get one on one time. Taking the kids for lunch dates or something similar. One at a time. She thinks it works. They seem happy and healthy. There's no real rivalry between them like she expected. Even now with the girls sitting amongst a group of other kids, they're not competing with each other for the attention. They're listening to their instructor, they're sitting side by side and holding hands. They don't try to be better than one another and she hopes that never changes. She hopes she's doing a good job of showing them they don't have to fight for her to notice things, that there's no competition between them on who is better at something.

They have their own special things they're good at. But she worries. She worries because Charlie isn't as open and loud and she fears it's because of the lisp. Because she can't pronounce certain things and stops trying after she realizes that she isn't saying it the way other people do. She's too young to be self conscious in Kate's mind but it's obvious sometimes.

When she whispers in Ella's ear and has her sister talk for her, it's obvious. And as a mother, she worries. Maybe they need to be separated more, maybe she needs to sit down with her littlest and explain that there is nothing wrong with her words or how they sound. She always thought it wouldn't be an issue. She thought since no one in their family makes a big deal out of it, then Charlotte would know she's not any different but she's been quieter since an ear infection left her crying for two days and refusing to take off the shirt Beckett let her have. She sleeps in it now.

Is that healthy?

Sometimes she thinks she's screwing this all up. She has a boy that has the sweetest heart she's ever seen, a little wild girl with ambitions bigger than the skies and a timid girl with a hug for everyone. She absolutely adores them, loves them more than anything. She wouldn't change a single thing about any of her children. But is she doing what's best?

Someone bumps her shoulder and she's jerked back into the present. Glances away from her girls to see a smiling woman with eyes that are almost the same shade as Castle's.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bump you. Kinda crowded over here." It is, they're all seated on chairs or a couch. "Which one is yours?"

"Uh two actually. The twins." She waves at them just to point them out, in case the woman hasn't noticed the two attached to each other's hip.

Ella is the first to wave wildly.

"They're beautiful. They look a lot like you."

"Thank you. Ella's in the pink and Charlie's purple." Kate didn't really intend on talking much but there's time to kill and she doesn't want to be rude. "Yours?"

"Jasmine. Right next to your girls actually."

She's cute. Blond curls and big eyes. Round cheeks that are pink from exertion.

"I'm Kate." Beckett offers a hand, and the woman takes it.

"Riley."

She never thought she'd be this woman. The mom making nice with a random other mom. But she is. And her girls are fine so she chats. She keeps away from certain topics.

Like her work. She stays within the realm of acceptable for little ears. And she listens more than she talks. It's not so bad. Not really bad at all and when the girls come racing towards her, she realizes that time passed rather quickly.

"Did you see me?" Ella asks with a smile on her face and her blue eyes dancing. "Did you see me spin?"

"I did. You were great, baby." She was. Wobbling and stumbling and perfect. "What do you say we get some ice cream?"

That's when Charlie grabs another little hand and speaks up.

"Her too?"

Oh. This isn't something she expected but maybe she should have. They're bound to make little friends. And now Charlie is clinging to the same little blond girl that belongs to the woman she's been chatting with.

"Her name is Jasmine." Riley interrupts the moment and the twins eye her, a little wary.

And then Beckett watches as her youngest steps a little closer to the new strange woman.

"Like the pwinthess?" It's soft and almost unsure but Kate smiles at her and gives a little nod to show her it's okay.

Maybe she's doing just fine.

* * *

Their new friend doesn't get to join their ice cream date but they planned one for next time. They'd been a little upset at first but not now.

Now, both girls seem content to eat their ice cream. She let them choose. She let them add toppings and everything. Cringing now that she sees the amount of sprinkles and whipped cream Ella's has. And the chocolate sauce dripping down. But she knows if their father were here, his would be even worse. So she says nothing as the girl chows down on a confection of sugar.

Charlie keeps it simple. Strawberry with a little chocolate.

The same as hers. She listens as they talk, feeling an ease settle as they get so animated. They're not loud and obnoxious in public, but Ella sometimes gets a bit excited and Beckett has to remind her to use her inside voice. They're already getting some looks.

They're still in their leos, but she made them put their shorts and boots on before leaving the studio. Their dance shoes are in the car which might be where they stay just so she can find them next time without digging through toy boxes and under beds. They don't really fit in with the other people here, they definitely look out of place but she doesn't mind. She enjoys her ice cream and listens as Ella talks about their new "bestiest" friend, Jasmine.

And doesn't say a word about the mess of chocolate on Ella's face until it's time to go.

After bathroom breaks and cleaning sticky fingers and faces, she clasps each girl by the hand. They know not to pull away, they know how dangerous it can be.

But they barely take three steps before Charlie jerks free, before she's after something. Kate's heart stops, she tries to pull her back, barely misses. And she's after her. Her full name flying off her tongue as she grabs Ella and hoists her up on her hip. She can move quicker without accommodating little legs.

She doesn't need to though. Charlie is crouched down next to the corner of the building, holding something in her hands. Barely five steps away. But her heart is still in her throat, beating hard and she ignores everyone as she kneels. She sets Ella down and tells her not to move, makes her put her hand on her arm so she'll know if the girl does.

"Charlotte Hanna Castle, you do not run away from me."

"I -"

"No, Charlotte! There's no reason to ever let go." And maybe she's being too harsh, but she doesn't think so. She can't lose them. Any of them and she'd been terrified the moment she felt Charlie's hand jerk out of hers. "And we do not pick things up off the ground."

But now her daughter's lip trembles and her face crumbles and Kate realizes she's scaring her. She softens a little, stays firm but gentler this time.

"Hey, you scared me. Okay? You scared me and you know not to let go. You know not to run, Charlie."

"I sthaw -"

"Honey, you tell me if you see something. You do not run after it. No matter what. Okay?"

"Kay."

"Alright. Now what did you find?" She asks because whatever it happens to be is being held protectively and the moment Beckett actually glances down to see, she almost feels the air leave her lungs all over again. "Oh my god."

"Momma! A kitten!" Ella squeals in delight already reaching for the squirming tiny body and Kate snaps her name before her hands can touch it.

It's maybe a kitten. She takes it carefully and it squeaks at her. It's a kitten. She's seen these kind before. Never really thought much of them. But this one is tiny. Clearly out of place. And so wrinkled, it could pass for cute on a good day.

"Oh, Charlie." Of course her girl found a defenseless kitten with its eyes barely open. "We can't take-"

It's Ella that interrupts.

"We can't leave it!" Four year olds have become the people she listens to. Because she knows they're right.

"Okay. Okay, here's the deal, this is a baby. It needs a mom, it needs milk and I need to talk to your dad. We take it home -" Twin grins beam at her and she shakes her head. "For tonight. Tomorrow we take it to the vet and see what happens. We might not get to keep it."

She isn't saying no. Which worries her more than the fact that there's a squirming hairless kitten nuzzling into her chest.

"But Charlie this does not make it okay to run away from me. This doesn't mean you're not in trouble." And as soon as her daughter ducks her head, Kate knows she won't do it again.

She also knows without a doubt that they just gained a cat. And there's no waiting till tomorrow.

She doesn't let them hold it on the way to the vet. Doesn't let them near it until she's sure it's a perfectly healthy kitten that's way too young to be away from the mom. She doesn't know what to do with it. But she learns. And her daughters know it's theirs the moment she accepts the supplies.

Castle is either going to be as excited as they are or he's going to kill her.

* * *

"Whoa! Why do you have a naked rat?"

"Kitten, daddy!" Ella holds it carefully, just like Kate showed her and Wes is already off the couch and coming to investigate.

"It's wrinkly." He scrunches his nose but he's smiling, already touching his fingers to the top of its head.

"It's a baby. Charlie found him."

"No Ella, he's just hairless." She corrects her but is more concerned with the look on Castle's face. She dumps her stuff on the couch.

And then she's reaching for his face. Pulling him in to press her mouth to his with a force that has him stumbling.

"I'm sorry. Charlie found him, after scaring me half to death. I'll tell you about that later but they love him."

"Kate, it's a...strangely demonic looking little thing but I'm not mad." His eyes have already softened though and she knows. "Boomer might be the one with the problem."

Oh shit. She hasn't even thought of that. And she turns to find their giant oaf of a dog before he finds the bite size kitten but it seems she's too late. His nose is already hovering over the wiggling wrinkly ball in Ella's arms. She pictures how badly this could end but he shocks her. He huffs, tilts his head to side and then he walks away.

"Or not."

"I stopped by the vet. I wanted to be sure it wasn't diseased or something. It's not. But he's about a week old, needs to be bottle fed and kept warm. It's a lot of work and apparently it doesn't always end well." Which will shatter the kids. Because it seems even their son is in love.

Castle rubs a hand down her arm. Drops his voice to a whisper.

"Kate, as tiny as he is, I really don't think he'll make it." And it's a mistake the moment he says it because he might've thought no one would hear...but someone does.

Charlie's blue eyes well up with tears. Her little hands fist at her sides and Beckett watches a fire light inside of her daughter that she didn't know she had.

"He will! He's fine. He's just little like me!" She flees before they can say anything. Tripping up the stairs with Castle already chasing after her.

He didn't mean for her to hear any of it. And he'll spend however long it takes to make sure she knows that.

This whole thing is a mess but Ella and Wes still seem oblivious and Kate has to make a bottle for a kitten. Something she never thought she'd be doing right now. So much for being forever done with bottles. She makes them hand over the kitten, it's too little to be jerked around by the kids. And her gentle soul ran off so she's the one holding it to her chest, she's the one that sits on the couch and coaxes him to latch on to the tiny nipple of the tiniest bottle.

Ella is the first to join her. And Wes settles on the other side almost immediately.

"You have to be gentle. He's too little to play."

"Char wanted to call it Marie like the cat movie." Ella is the only one that calls Charlie by an even shorter version of her name. It seems to be their thing.

"I guess we could call him that." Seems silly but the cat will be named whatever her daughter decides.

"We could name him something cool."

"No, Wes. Charlie found him, probably saved his life. She gets first pick but we'll see what she says." Tiny paws push against her fingers as the kittens feeds and she gets just as caught up in watching as the kids at her side.

None of them notice Castle carrying Charlie back into the room until he's sitting her down right in front of Kate. They made up, apparently because there are no more tears. And their youngest daughter still has her arm around his neck.

"He's eating, Charlie, that's a good thing." He says it softly. As if he's still trying to make up for what she overheard and Kate melts.

"But he might -"

"No, sweetheart, I didn't say that to scare you. He's very small and sometimes babies can't make it without their mom. But we'll do everything we can to make sure he does."

It's enough to have her smiling again. Not as bright but just as beautiful.

"Elephant. Call him Elephant. He's gway."

"Okay, operation save Elephant has commenced." Castle points at Wes first and she knows what's coming. It's going to be a family affair. "We need a box."

"Got it." She's never seen him move so fast. Not even for chicken nuggets. But he's off the couch and bouncing up the stairs before Castle even tells Ella that her job is to find something for it to cuddle with.

He leaves Charlie in charge of finding something to line the box. And he's so caught up that he automatically turns to her and opens his mouth as if he's about to lay down more orders. Until she quirks a brow.

"Don't push it, bud. I'm on feedings."

"Right."

She doesn't tell him that he can take the overnight shift but she's thinking it. He needs bonding time with their new pet and something tells her the adventures of Castle and Elephant will become a thing.

Just like with Alexis and now their kids. And with Boomer.

She gives it a day before he's carrying the kitten around talking to it. Maybe a day.

Probably by morning. Because it is a pretty snuggly little thing. And makes cute little noises that have her smiling. Crap. She's just as doomed as he is.

* * *

**Next up: Mother/Son day.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Definitely not mine but I do enjoy playing. :)**

**A/N: Okay so here's another update. I always planned to bring this back into their story by the way. So I thought this was a good age for the kids to be when it came back around.**

**So here's the thing: I will be updating and posting a lot before Monday. I don't know how much time I'll have after that.**

It's been days of early mornings at the precinct and nights of frustration over a case. Working it out with Castle until exhaustion wins. At least two of their theory building nights he had to have carried her to bed because she definitely hadn't made it there on her own. It's been a week of hell, they happen. But there's more, something exciting she'll be sharing with her husband later tonight. Not now because right now she's on a date with an amazing guy. He's short, with hair that sometimes falls down on his forehead and eyes that are a match to hers. Today is his day.

Every bit of the previous week disappears when Kate takes another lick of her ice cream cone and watches her son do the same. He chose the sweet treat for lunch and outwitted her into it so she caved. Just this once.

Castle is having his day with the twins and Alexis. And she's enjoying a day with her boy. Her little mini Castle. Because he looks so much like his father that she sometimes wonders if her genetics were completely unnecessary. But he has her ears. And those eyes. Plus his personality is toeing the line between hers and his father's. A perfect mix that creates a little chaos sometimes despite that he's a sweet boy.

Ice cream first. Then the museum. He wants to see the dinosaurs and he's been so excited for days. He's wearing his favorite dinosaur shirt. It's hers too. She loves her boy in blue.

He woke her at four this morning, begging to go and she'd pulled him down in the bed. Made him lie still until he fell back asleep for a couple more hours. Even then, he had her back up at six. And she'd dragged herself out of bed to find coffee with him trailing along at her side. He'd asked a million questions and he's still on a roll.

"Do they have a T-Rex?"

"Cub, you've asked that four times and the answer is still the same." She gives him the same look she gives Castle when he's pushing it.

But he's definitely related to his father. He's definitely a Castle. He shrugs at her. Smiles. Doesn't even notice there's ice cream on his nose. The questions don't stop.

"Why do you and Daddy call me cub?"

"I've also told you this story before. But I guess once more won't hurt. Before you were born -"

"When I was in your belly."

"Mhm. We didn't know if you were a boy or a girl."

"I'm a boy." They both giggle and she reaches over to smudge the sticky mess off his nose.

"We know that now, silly, we didn't back then. Anyway, it seemed wrong to call you 'the baby' all the time." She won't mention she'd called him an 'it' a few times.

"And Daddy came up with Cub."

"See, I think you've heard this plenty." She's told it enough that he can probably tell it better. "But yes, he did. I thought it was adorable and it worked for a boy or a girl."

"Boy."

"I know, bud." They take a bite of ice cream at the same time, her son swallows quickly but she's savoring the flavor.

She shouldn't have.

"How did I get out of your belly?" He asks it so innocently that Beckett chokes. Coughs. His face is scrunched in confusion and she clears her throat, sucks in a gulp of air and she should have known this would eventually be questioned. He's a curious soul and she's never told the kids anything more than simple explanations when they ask to look at the photo albums.

She stares at him for a moment, gaping and unsure. But then she smiles.

"You ready for the dinosaurs?"

"Yeah!" It's a cheap tactic but it still works and she'll use it until she can formulate an appropriate answer to his question.

The topic has been avoided. For now.

* * *

They don't make it to the dinosaurs. It's her fault. She's a coward, she'd freaked. She'd grabbed him in her arms and marched out with him crying about the T-Rex being the other way. She's dealt with him when he throws fits but she's never been the cause of his heartbreak. Not like this. As a parent, sometimes you hurt your kids' feelings, it's just part of saying no. But she's never said yes and backed out last minute. She's never taken him into the building, saw something that had her burning in anger and grabbed him up without an explanation.

She's failed as a mother today.

He cried all the way home. Big loud wails that made her chest feel as though it was cracking. It still aches now, even though he's down to sniffles. He's stopped fighting her, he clings instead and she rubs his back in the elevator ride up to their loft. She whispers how sorry she is but it makes him whimper and whine a little louder. She feels awful. This is not how their day was supposed to go. He won't understand, not even if she could explain it to him. Because he's young, he doesn't know the dirty details of this city, of her past.

She has to put him down to get her key out and apparently that's when his heartbreak becomes anger. As soon as the door is open, he's running inside and away from her.

"Wes..."

"Leave me alone." It cuts deeper than it should. She knows he's just upset but it still stings.

"Wes, I'm sorry."

"You're not my friend anymore." He doesn't even hear his father's sharp tone. Or see her bite her trembling lip.

He's up the stairs without looking back. She almost chases. She needs to make this right. But she doesn't because warm arms wrap around her waist and Castle fills her line of sight. His chest entirely too inviting after the day she's had. She melts into him. She lets him hug her. The embarrassment slips away and she doesn't even care that Alexis is staring from the kitchen.

"What happened? I didn't expect you back this early." Castle's voice is soft, soothing. Wrapping around her as warmly as his arms and she presses closer.

"We got to the museum and I freaked out. Castle, there's a new exhibit, something about history of some part of the city and _he_ was there."

"Kate...who was there?"

"Bracken." His name sours on her tongue, she hates him now just as much as she ever has. A burning all consuming hate. "He was there and I just had to get our son away."

"Why would he be there?"

It's something she didn't stick around to find out but she'll bet he has his blood stained paws in something. He always does. She's just managed to avoid him for years now. Their truce still stands but she still worries. She's worried every single day that he'll find out and come after the kids. She doesn't want a truce anymore.

It isn't enough now. Not now that she's seen him, while out with her son. She doesn't think he saw her or Wes but it spooked her that he might.

And still her heart aches because she hurt her son's feelings.

"I need to talk to Wes." She tries to step away from her husband, leave his embrace but he holds her tight.

"Let him calm down a little. He's just upset about the dinosaurs, Kate. He didn't mean what he said." What would she do without this man?

"I know. I just...I need to apologize to him. Explain myself better. He doesn't understand." It takes a moment before Beckett meets his gaze but when she does, the ache in her chest lessens to bearable. "Ella and Charlie down for a nap?"

"Yeah. Alexis is in charge of lunch so what would you like?"

"You're making her cook?" She doesn't give him time to answer before she's spinning to face the redhead in the kitchen. "He's making you cook?"

"Charlie asked if I could, actually. Because I make better grilled cheese than our father."

"I don't agree." Castle pipes in, stepping up behind Kate and pressing his palm to her spine.

She doesn't think Alexis notices that his hand travels a little too low. Or the look she shoots him when he gives her butt a loving pat. In fact, she's pretty sure the only one staring at them is boomer. And he just huffs from his pillow on the floor and closes his eyes. He doesn't even wiggle when Elephant, crawls up on his head to spin circles before lying down.

The kitten shouldn't have lived but he did. And he's become a playful little thing who thinks Boomer makes a great bed.

"Will Wes want a sandwich?" Something clicks. Between Alexis staring at her expectantly and the hand soothing up her spine, something just clicks and she suddenly knows exactly how she can make it up to her angry little Cub.

"Actually...I think I'll make him something. He should still get his day with me. If he wants it."

She pushes the thoughts of her mother and murder aside. She swallows her own anger and with a quick kiss to Castle's lips, she tells him they'll talk later. Because they will, they have to. And then she joins Alexis in the kitchen.

In less than thirty minutes, she has a plate filled with dinosaur chicken nuggets. And half of a grilled cheese just in case.

She wants them to be alone, she wants to redo their day. And she's going to take him to the museum next week to make up for everything. But for today, she coaxes him out with the promise of a surprise. Something new. He's still mad. His face still splotchy from tears. And the frown is enough to tell her that he's still pretty upset.

Part of her is a little afraid of her own idea, worried. But she lets him carry the plate of nuggets, she has the blanket and there's a hint of smile when they walk out the door. He doesn't know where they're going, they've never taken the kids up to the roof. Parental fears. Today she pushes that down because she knows he won't leave her side. Even if he is still mad.

So she takes him up, she lets him carry the plate and keeps her steps slow so he doesn't fall behind or lose any food.

He still hasn't said a word to her. Until she pushes the door open and lets him step out first. She warns him to stay close and not to climb on the edge.

"Whoa!" And finally the smile she loves so dearly is back in place.

"I thought we could eat our chicken up here. I'll show you what the city looks like from the edge but you have to let me hold you and absolutely no wiggling." Out of every reaction she imagined, she gets the one she didn't.

He puts the plate down before she can spread the blanket and his arms are around her hips in seconds. Instead of scolding him about the food, she drops to her knees. Hugging him back and peppering kisses to his cheek. Telling him over and over that she's sorry and how they can go next week. As a family.

"I didn't mean it." His words are tiny, a little watery and she knows he's sorry too.

"I know, bud. I love you, I know when you're just mad."

"I love you too." His hands hold tight and she rubs her fingers through his hair.

"I promise we can go back and you'll get to see the dinosaurs."

"Why didn't we stay?" She doesn't know what to say or how to explain her actions but she pulls back to look at him, to hold his face, stroke his cheek so he knows that she's being serious.

"You remember when I said that I will protect you, no matter what?" He nods and she presses a quick kiss to his forehead. "I was keeping you safe. At least, I thought I was. I'm sorry because I know you wanted to see the dinosaurs but Wes, it might not make any sense to you and I don't expect you to understand but I was protecting you."

He's old enough to know what she's saying but not nearly at an age where he can understand what it all means.

"There were bad guys there?"

"Something like that." And that's all he needs to know.

They can have their rooftop picnic, talk dinosaurs and see the city.

Later, she'll tackle the rest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**A/N: Slowly getting back into writing this. I had a goal to finish this before summer ends...I'm still pretty insistent on making that happen. I do have a lot of stuff happening in my life right now...like today for example, I was supposed to go to a baby shower, eat cake, and have happy thoughts and I ended up learning that my grandma died instead. We weren't extremely close, we were once upon a time though. I feel fine at the moment which is horrible to say - I know - but my heart still aches for her siblings and my grandpa. **

**I still typed this out today because good things happened too - more on that at the end. Enjoy. This was typed on my phone so expect some errors, I did read through it but again, my brain is kind of all over the place right now.**

She can't sleep. Too much on her mind. It's been a few days since the incident but she's still jumpy. Jittery. She hasn't been sleeping much, her thoughts keep her on alert. They have her in the chair by the bed and staring off into the shadows of night while Castle sleeps fitfully beneath their blankets. She stares at him too. Kate made her deal thinking of him, wanting him to be safe. Now it's bigger. Wes. Ella. Charlie. Alexis.

She's been keeping the kids a little closer than usual which is saying something because she knows she hovers a bit. Even on a normal basis. She can't help it when she knows what goes on in this city, in this world. She can't help it when she's constantly thinking of what-ifs and the fact that a bluff is all that stands between her family being safe and her family being hunted. God, she's even concerned for the dog currently asleep with her son and the tiny kitten that has Charlie coming out of her shell. This is her family. _Hers._ And no one is coming near them. She just isn't sure how she's supposed to put Bracken behind bars and keep the bluff going in the process.

She's exhausted. She wants to sleep, she wants to be curled up next to her husband and warm from his body heat. But she's chilled in a chair and struggling not to check on their three little ones. She already has...four times. A fifth seems a bit much. She's twitchy and restless, can't sit still. Shifting from one position to the next and finally huffing at herself for being ridiculous and settles for drawing her knees up to her chest. She thinks it might keep her from heading upstairs again and spending another hour staring at three sleeping kids. Just thinking of their soft snuffles, the drool, the way Charlie hangs half of her body off the bed and refuses to let her feet be covered has Beckett relaxing enough to rest her chin on her knees.

She's trapped in her own head, struggling and she knows Castle sees it. She knows because he'd asked before he fell asleep and she'd told him she was fine. But she's not and based on the amount of tossing he's been doing, he isn't either.

She almost crawls back in bed when she sees his brow furrow and his leg twitch. But his eyes open before she gets the chance. She smiles when the first thing he does is search the room for her. It feels as though they've been together for so long and yet that one simple act has her warming from the inside out.

"I'm here, babe." She whispers it, hoping he doesn't startle.

He follows her voice but he's still blinking himself awake, pushing up from the mattress. She knows he can barely see her, if at all. His eyes haven't adjusted and yet the concern is already prominent in his posture, on his face.

"You okay?" No. Maybe. Yes. She doesn't know. So she chooses the honest answer.

"Can't sleep." She probably could if her body would just stay still but it won't. She's too busy fidgeting, checking on the kids, staring at her husband. "Just restless."

"Come back to bed."

"I can't stay still. I'll keep you up."

But he's already up. As in climbing out of bed and pressing his palms to his eyes to ward off the last lingering fog of sleep. She feels the guilt settle in her chest, starts to tell him that she's fine and he should rest. Today is their busiest day of the week and that's if she doesn't get called in for a body drop. The girls have dance, Cub has soccer, and Castle has a meeting in less than three hours. She doesn't tell him she's fine. She doesn't tell him to go back to sleep.

Because he's stumbled over to her side and offered a hand before she can get the words out and even though she's not sure what he has in mind, she slips her hand in his. She lets him tug her out of the chair, she's unresisting and pliant when he pulls her in and she only smirks when he keeps her hand enclosed in his and rests them to his chest. She waits for a beat, just until his other palm settles against her spine and she feels the press of his mouth to her hair.

She almost laughs when he sways, almost but it doesn't come out as anything more than a sigh. Because he's tired and she's tired. And he's coaxing her into this - into swaying with him.

"Castle,"

"Shhh, we're dancing." They are. Kind of. They're mostly just shuffling around in the dark but if he wants to call it dancing then she'll let him. Although they're capable of way better choreography than this.

"We're gonna bump into something."

"Maybe." Instead of reaching for a lamp or putting an end to it, she presses further into him and adds her own movement. Because if they're really going to dance in their bedroom in the middle of the night then she's going to steer them away from the heels she kicked off and was too lazy to put in the closet.

The swaying becomes more after a few minutes. The exhaustion takes a backseat to the distraction and she steals a soft kiss when he pulls her closer.

A couple quick steps, followed by a spin. And she's chuckling by the time her palm meets his chest. This is better - better than sitting alone in a chair and checking on their children every hour. For the first time in days, she relaxes and enjoys his touch, the way he moves, the way he dips to rub his jaw against hers as if they're suddenly feline instead of human. Maybe he's been spending too much time with Elephant. But it's nice, the scrape of his scruff and the burst of his breath against her ear.

This is exactly what she needed. And not at all what she would have imagined.

His voice rumbles in her ear, shivers down her spine. He still says her name as though it's a prayer for salvation and it still makes her heart thump a little faster. Or maybe that's the unexpected dip that has her blinking up at him and beaming because she's loopy from lack of sleep and he looks so disheveled and adorable. He's proud of himself for distracting her and she's pretty proud of him too. For a variety of reasons. She's just feeling a little more appreciative tonight. So she mumbles her thank you against his shoulder when he pulls her back up. Presses a kiss there to punctuate her gratitude.

The swaying returns and he nudges her cheek with his nose.

"We'll figure it out, Kate. We always do."

"I know." And she does. She just doesn't know how they'll manage all of it and keep everyone safe. "We have to keep pretending."

"Kate,"

"Keeps them safe, Castle. I just want them to be safe. If anything -" She doesn't finish that thought, buries her face in his neck instead.

"I promise you, we can figure this out." Something about him has always made her believe. And she believes now. "But we need to sleep."

"Just a few more minutes."

Those few more minutes become an hour and a half. Alternating between shuffles and spins, dips and kisses. The sun is peeking through the windows by the time they fall into bed.

* * *

Castle missed his meeting. They slept till almost nine before three little bodies wormed their way in between them and asked for breakfast.

And that's how they spent their morning, with their family instead of fretting over things out of their control. They'll figure it out, she believes that now. Because of a dance and his words. Because the eyes she meets over the table are bright and blue and warm. Even when he tells Ella to stop poking her brother with a fork.

After breakfast is the mad dash, the cleanup, getting the girls ready for dance and Cub ready for soccer. It's a flurry of movement with no time to worry over anything more than what the hell happened to the other cleat and reassuring Charlie that her purple Leo with the sparkles is fine and no one will think she's wearing the same thing she wore last practice. Or having to rush Ella because she insists on taking her time to get ready and more than half of that time is spent with her curled up with Boomer somewhere instead of actually finding her shoes.

And this is usually in the five minutes before they have to leave. Never any sooner. But they tag team. Castle handles the twins while Beckett finds the mysterious missing cleat - under the couch. Her boy is ready as soon as she has it tied, but the girls are another story. They always are. Double the trouble. With Charlie having an outburst about needing to change and Ella climbing up her father's leg, it's obvious they're going to be a little late. Even after Castle swings Ella up onto his hip, Charlie is still insisting she wants to change.

"Charlie, honey, what you're wearing is fine." His words don't soothe, instead her lip trembles and that's when it becomes clear this isn't about her leo at all.

Kate kisses Wes on the cheek, asks him to sit up on the couch and wait just a moment while she calms his sister. He does, without any other prompting and she's not entirely sure how they managed to make such a perfect loving boy.

It's a fleeting thought, her focus turning to their usually calm girl. She kneels by her, has found this to be the best way to talk things out with her kids.

"Hey, what's wrong?" It isn't Charlie that answers, it's Ella.

"She doesn't wanna go 'cuz they told her she talks funny." And Kate's heart shatters. She's been successful in shielding them from this kind of stuff but now they're older, exploring their own hobbies and it was bound to happen. Will happen again, no doubt.

But the way Charlie's eyes well up with tears is just as concerning as the fact that she's still letting Ella speak in her place. The cat had helped bring her out of her shell some but now Kate's worried she'll backtrack. And she doesn't know what to say. So she looks to Castle, begs him silently to help her out.

"Is that true, Charlie-bug?" Her soft sob is answer enough for the both of them.

Instinct takes over and Kate reaches for her daughter, pulls her in to cradle her and wipe away the tears, trying to soothe her with soft words.

"Oh, Charlotte. Baby, there's nothing wrong with the way you talk."

"I like how you talk." Ella chimes in, wiggling down from her father's hold to join in soothing her sister.

Wes follows. So does Castle. They're all sitting in the floor, dressed for various activities and coming together for the sole purpose of cheering up the youngest of their family.

Castle is the one that leans in to kiss her head, tell her that one person's opinion does not make her any less amazing. And Wes holds her hand and talks about a boy at school who isn't very nice to him. Ella cuddles, they're twins and they're always near each other, generally huddled. Of course she's the one cuddling close, almost pushing Beckett out of the way in the process of getting closer and she tells Charlie not to listen to "meanie heads".

_Meanie heads._ Maybe she shouldn't, but Kate smiles. When she glances at Castle, he's smiling too and there's pride in his gaze. Of course he's proud. But then, she is too. Because her kids are comforting their sister and the sobs have become sniffles.

"Charlie, I promise you that I will be there and you can come tell me or your dance teacher if they say anything but don't give up something that makes you happy."

After drying tears, countless kisses and one large lick from an over enthusiastic dog, Charlie finally whispers her okay. The purple sparkly leo is no longer questioned, but she's quiet. Reserved.

And Beckett realizes they have a whole new dragon to slay. One they can't bluff into submission.

* * *

**For Karisa Lyn,  
I am so very proud of you for what you've done in the last several months.  
You took the hurtful words of others, the lack of support and you made it.  
You worked so hard, I know you did. I've never been more proud to call you  
my little sis and I will never ever stop being there for you.  
I can't believe you graduated today and I'm just so emotional over it.  
I felt it was appropriate to put this note here because Cub started our friendship  
and I will never forget that. I'm sorry I couldn't be there.  
But honestly, you've surprised me so much in the last several months and become  
such a beautiful young woman. You should be very proud of yourself and never  
let anyone take that away from you. You stepped up, you put in the work, and busted  
your ass for that degree. I'm so so so so so proud of you.  
**

**I love you more. Always.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Not owning Castle.**

**a/n: Cub readers,  
I am so sorry that it took so long for an update. I won't bore you with my life story, just know that things are finally settling down and I once again have a bit of free time to write. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Don't go."

"Kate, we've talked about this." It's true. They have but she's still selfishly standing at the foot of the bed wearing just his shirt, asking him to stop packing and just stay.

Never in her life has Kate Beckett begged someone to stay with her…but she wants to now. He won't stop, won't stand still and just hear her out, and then he disappears from their bedroom to retrieve something from the bathroom. She follows like a puppy.

Her arm rests heavily against the door, her body already showing the signs of exhaustion. He's oblivious to it. She watches him as he putters around, grabbing his aftershave, digging through a cabinet and frowning when he can't find what he's looking for.

"Have you seen my –"

"Top shelf. Behind the tampons." She almost grins when he finds his razor, thinks he's adorable in his triumph. This is routine for them. Being together is like breathing for her and now he's leaving. "Castle, I really think you should postpone."

"I already did. Twice."

"So do it again." Her tone is sharp and wavers on the last syllable, startling them both but finally, there's a sharp clatter as he drops everything in his hands. The items tumble down into the sink but his gaze stays on her.

"What's going on, Kate?"

"It's just a really bad time to be jetting off to the other side of the country." Two weeks is a long time. "Charlie only speaks to Elephant. I'm still trying to work and study for this –"

"Are you upset about the exam?"

"What? No." Not entirely. It's just that her stomach twists into knots whenever she thinks about it and she's failing her daughter so how is she supposed to ace the captain's exam when she can't keep it together at home? And now her husband has decided to run off on a book tour.

"You are. You don't need to be, all of us know you're gonna do great." He steps toward her and she knows what's coming. She can already feel the heat of him but she doesn't want to be coddled.

"That's not what this is about." She sidesteps him, crosses her arms over her chest and levels him with a stare that he should know. "I decided to do this. The exam is my choice."

"Because of the incident with Bracken a month ago."

"No. Because it's time." And because of the incident but she's not about to give him that satisfaction when she's irritated. "Castle, we set up an appointment for Charlie and you're skipping out on me."

"Kate…" Her name hangs between them for several long seconds as he drops his head, sighs, and brings a hand up to the back of his neck. She knows that move, knows it means he's warring with himself and upset. She almost touches him, has to clench her fingers to keep from it, to remind herself that she's supposed to be angry. "That's not fair."

"Neither is the fact that we set this up together for our daughter and now I'm the one taking her, I'll be the only one there for her."

"I can maybe take the weekend to come back and -"

"But you can't postpone it till after the appointment? What the hell am I supposed to do, Rick?" Black Pawn would understand, maybe, and that's why she's upset with him. That's why her heart clenches when she looks at him. "Fine. Just finish packing, don't wanna miss your flight."

She pushes off the wall, gives him a shake of her head when he reaches for her and turns before he can see the tears welling in her eyes. She doesn't even make it one step before warm fingers close around her bicep. With a shrug, she dislodges his hold and keeps walking.

"I'll be here for Charlie and you know that."

There's nothing left but silence as she crawls into bed and turns her back on the entire situation.

* * *

She knows something is wrong from the moment she wakes to her son cuddled against her side, his batman pajamas askew from tossing and turning. She remembers Castle leaving, can still feel his soft kiss against her lips. He thought she was asleep but she wasn't. She doesn't remember Cub crawling in bed with her.

Something has been wrong since the moment her husband left. The loft is different. Boomer paces between kids at breakfast, Elephant doesn't even try to pounce on every person walking by or attack their swinging feet from beneath the table. Ella whines constantly about her eggs tasting funny, Charlie points to things and refuses to use her words, and Beckett is almost in tears because she just wants the two weeks to fly by.

None of their kids have gone fourteen days without their father. This is an adjustment. He said his goodbyes to each of them, promised to bring them home a surprise and hugged Charlie extra tight, whispered something in her ear that had her giggling. She's staring down at her food now, pushing it around on the plate and occasionally biting into her toast.

And then there's Weston. Huddled against Beckett's side as if he's afraid to leave her. Refusing to sit at the table with his sisters because he can't leave her to stand against the counter by herself.

"Momma, cup!" Ella waves the blue cup around in distress, almost knocking Charlie in the head.

"Use all your words, Ella."

"Wrong cup." It's her blue one with Nemo on it, the one she asked for ten minutes ago.

"You picked that one." She snaps and immediately flushes in shame. Kate's frustrated with herself, with the way this morning is going and she rubs at her forehead the moment Ella starts to wail. "Okay, okay, what cup?"

Her cries continue, big fat tears leak from her blue eyes and roll down her cheeks as her face reddens. Charlie's lip starts to tremble and Kate knows to act fast unless she wants both girls upset.

"Ella, I'm listening. Which cup do you want?" It's obviously not the blue one. And when the cries become a chant, they stab through her chest in staccato beat. Her pajama-clad toddler knows exactly how to break her heart.

"Daddy! Want Daddy!" Her pink socked feet kick wildly beneath the table and her braid drags through egg. "Daddy!"

Boomer barks, Elephant hisses, Ella cries louder, Charlie whimpers and Wes bites his lip in a way that's all too familiar. Because it's exactly what she's doing, trying not to cry herself because her daughter is stubborn. Obviously an inherited trait from her father.

She thought Charlie would be the difficult one, never imagined Ella would be crying for Castle just hours after he left. She leaves her mini batman at the counter, and heads for her pink princess. In one move, she has Ella in her arms, pressed to her chest. The cries are muffled now but vibrate through her skin, the tears leak against her neck and she rubs her back as she shushes her gently.

"S'okay Ella. Daddy will come back." The words seem to help; she calms enough to stop pushing away.

Wes wipes at his cheek and frowns at her.

"You're not getting a 'vorce?" His voice is soft, barely a whisper and the lump in Beckett's throat doubles in size.

"A what?"

"Jace, at school, said his parents fought and got a 'vorce. His dad left and didn't come back." As soon as she realizes what he's saying, she covers Ella's ear and presses the other against her chest. Her eyes search for Charlie and find her beneath the table, her blue footie pajamas too bright to miss as she tries to feed Elephant a piece of bacon. Which is usually something she would be scolded for but Kate's mind is racing.

A divorce. Her son is asking her if - she can't quite swallow it. She doesn't understand it or where the question came from.

"Wes, no. No. Your dad went away for work. He's coming back, I promise." She can't do this. She's failing miserably. She has one sniffling against her over a cup, one hiding under a table but finally speaking - even though it's to a cat - and now her oldest thinks his dad isn't coming back.

If she weren't already pissed at her husband, she would be now. It doesn't matter that it's irrational, that her head is telling her there's no way he's at fault for this morning's meltdown. She wants to call him, tell him all about it.

He needs to hear about the tears soaking through her shirt, the egg in her hair because Ella's fingers are covered in it and the fact that Charlie is speaking again but only to things with paws.

"Ella, honey, can we get a new cup now and finish breakfast?"

"Want the pink one. Match Daddy's." The pink Disney princesses cup which does indeed match a mug Castle uses every morning.

It takes her a few minutes to get Ella situated at the table again, with her new pink cup. She has to coax Charlie from beneath the table by allowing her to keep the wrinkly kitten in her lap but she whispers a thank you and she hasn't spoken in days, Kate considers it a small win.

And then she turns back to her son, guides him into the living room by a hand on his shoulder. She sits first, pulls him up into her lap because as far as she's concerned, he's still her tiny little Cub.

"Why do you think Daddy and I would get a divorce? Did someone say something to you?"

"Jace said his daddy didn't love his mommy anymore and left. Daddy left last night." His eyes fill and she squeezes him just a tad too tight.

"No, baby. I love your dad, and he still loves me. You know how he writes books?" She waits for his nod before continuing with a soft smile. "That's why he left, for his job."

"You yelled at him, you asked him to stay with us." When his face crumbled, her blood ran cold. Her heart stopped, everything slowed. He looked just like his father in that moment and she couldn't stand seeing the despair on his face.

"Wes, I - I did. I never meant for you to hear that or to get that upset. That's not why he left and he's coming home. Tonight we'll call him, all of us and you can talk to him. Maybe even see him."

"Promise?"

"Promise." She kisses his cheek, hugs him one more time. "Go eat some breakfast, watch your sisters for just a second."

She heads for Castle's office as soon as Wes is seated at the table. She can watch her children from there and still have enough privacy for a phone call. She finds his name easily, presses call as soon as she's out of their earshot.

The first ring has her biting her thumbnail, the second makes her roll her eyes and by the third she's gearing up to leave a voicemail but then she hears him. His hello is gruff, heavy with sleep and her morning bubbles down to one sentence.

"Our son thinks we're getting a divorce." She keeps her voice low just in case.

_"What?" _

"Wes thinks -"

_"No, I heard you. Where would he get that idea?"_

"He heard us last night, he heard me ask you to stay and some kid at school told him about his parents getting a divorce and now he's convinced that's what's happening." She peeks out between the bookshelves, watches as Wes hands Ella one of his strawberries and Charlie feeds the cat another piece of bacon. "And Ella had a meltdown over a cup, she wanted you."

_"Kate," _he murmured. _"I had to do this. It's part of the contract with Black Pawn."_

She knows. Part of her definitely knows that but as she watches her kids, her heart aches for them, for the morning from hell.

"It was just a rough morning, Castle. Wes thinking we're splitting up seemed important enough to call. I think I calmed him down but I didn't want him asking tonight and catching you off guard."

_"I'll talk to him. We're still on, right?"_

"Video call at eight, yes. I may be upset but our kids need to see you everyday."

_"Kate, I love you." _

"You're fighting dirty." But the words still warm her.

_"I don't want to fight at all." _She can hear in his tone that he's serious. And if the circumstances were different, she might feel a little guilty for still being angry. _"I'll be there for Charlotte's appointment. You know I'll do everything to make sure I'm there for her. For you."_

She's still mad. She's still frustrated and she definitely wants to shake him for being dumb, for leaving this week. But she does love him…even when he's a moron. He's a good father, he means it when he says he'll be here and she lets some of the anger slip away.

"I love you, too."


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Not owning any part of Castle.**

**A/N: Here's a quick update for this fic. Love Cub? There's a new Halloween oneshot for the cub'verse called _Matched Pair_. It's set back in time a little but I wanted to do something for Halloween. Hope you enjoy this update!**

* * *

She wakes alone in bed and at first it's okay, it's the new normal for the rest of these dreadful weeks without her husband. She settles back down into the pillow, tucking her arm beneath to feel the cool cotton and shifting her hips to ease the ache that's settled. A soft hum leaves her lips and she drifts between sleep and wake. But her eyes fly open when she remembers the kids, the squirming bodies that have taken up residence on their father's side of the bed. It's not normal at all to be alone and her brain revs to try and remember. Their knees and elbows pushing into her stomach, her back, her side and sometimes she wakes with toes against her face. The bed is empty. Beckett rises up, looks to the bottom of the bed because sometimes Ella ends up on her feet but there's not even a kitten or a dog in sight.

_Alexis._

It hits her square in the chest, makes her fall back against the pillow. She sent Ella and Wes with Alexis last night because today is all about the youngest of their Castle clan. She breathes out a sigh, inhales sharply and then she's panicking once again when something clatters in the kitchen. Her heart races, her feet hit the floor and she almost trips her way out of the tangle of blankets.

Only one child remains in the household, technically three if she counts Boomer and Elephant but she doesn't think they're causing a commotion. She skids her way into the living room in her pajamas, eyes searching for her youngest and finding her in the middle of the counter, covered from head to toe.

"Charlie?" She waits for a single beat of silence before she's moving towards her. Waits for the tears to well up in her daughter's eyes and leave streaks down her face when they fall before she's grabbing her off the counter and stroking the mix from her hair. "Oh, honey. What is this?"

There's what appears to be an empty box of pancake mix on the floor, a wrinkled kitten trying to squeeze his pudgy belly through the opening, and her daughter is covered in what she assumes used to be in that box.

"Charlie, were you making us breakfast?" She kisses her head, rubs her back and tries to brush away the powder covering what used to be Belle pajamas. Charlotte clings to her, wails against her chest. "Hey, it's okay. It's just a little mess and we'll clean it up but you know you can't be near the stove without me or your daddy."

It's a rule for every child. The dangers of fire or them burning themselves are too great and that's one rule Castle enforces just as adamantly as she does. Something made her little rule follower break it, something she will probably never know because her girl has quit talking. She feels like she failed at something as a parent, didn't keep her little one safe but she knows it's not about her. It's about Charlie.

A tiny girl with no voice when her sister isn't here to talk for her, she burrows against Beckett and spreads the dust of pancake mix.

"Let's get cleaned up." Beckett tries to step over the box but it moves, meows and then two pale blue eyes peek up at her. "You too, Elephant. Bath time, come on."

She assumes there's a dog hiding somewhere covered with it too but she'll find him later. Instead of worrying, she carries a quieting Charlie to the tub in the master bathroom. It's a treat she's let the kids indulge in since the third night without Castle. He'll come home to them being spoiled but she thinks it's okay.

Beckett lets her daughter cling for just a few more seconds while she starts the water and then she eases her down to stand next to the powdered kitten. She crouches in front of them both, gives them a good once over.

"Oh Cash, just talk to me. Please?" The silence shreds at her chest, leaves her ribs exposed as an invisible force crushes her heart. Their little one has always been quieter; she's been the calm one in their three musketeers. She's mellow while Ella is loud and wild. Polar opposites and yet this isn't normal for her. "Okay…want to take a bath with Elephant?"

The question brings out the tiniest of smiles and puts a spark in those blue eyes.

"I thought you might enjoy that."

They've done this a few times before. Once the feisty little feline got used to having baths. He enjoys the water, which was a shock to her, and Castle commented on him being a creature from the darkest parts of the sea but she's caught him writing with the little guy curled up in his lap.

Before Beckett can settle the wrinkly cat in the tub, Charlie is already leaving her messy clothes on the bathroom floor and scrambling over the side of the bath. Beckett hides her laugh in her palm at the sight of her daughter. Honey colored curls stained with white, face streaked and arms covered. Her yellow pajamas had saved the rest of her.

At least she's smiling as she sits and reaches for the kitten. She's still quiet as Beckett washes her gently after turning the water off. When that adorable face is clean and those blue eyes lock on hers, she wonders once again why Charlie remains silent.

"Can't you just talk to me?" For a second, Cash opens her mouth but then she closes it and drops her gaze. It isn't normal for a child her age to be without words. Beckett remembers something about it's normal for them to ask over four hundred questions a day. She hasn't heard one question from her daughter in almost a week. "Charlotte…"

Charlie stays quiet but she points to the shampoo and Kate makes a quick decision. Instead of reaching for it and washing her little girl's hair, she stands and strips down.

She plucks the cat from the water and sits him down on a towel. He'll run off and leave a trail of water but she doesn't care so much about that right now. Suddenly she's glad she listened to the child therapist, she's glad Castle came home to attend the appointment with them. Even though he couldn't stay and they didn't exactly work through their argument, she's still thankful he came.

She joins her daughter in the tub and turns the water back on. Charlie scoots toward her and she reaches to pull the girl into her lap. She'll wash the tangled mess of hair in a few minutes.

"When you were a baby, you'd get fussy sometimes and either Daddy or I would bring you in here, fill the tub with warm water and just hold you." Kate tucks Charlie against her chest, grunting when a little knee jabs against her ribs. This isn't as easy anymore but maybe it can help. "You'd calm down immediately. You would get so quiet and then you'd just start making all kinds of happy sounds. Where are your happy sounds, baby?"

With little hands, Cash points to her neck and shakes her head.

"Are they stuck?" Instead of answering, she shakes her head once again. "No. No you're just afraid, right? It's okay to be afraid, tough girl."

It takes a moment but her daughter nods and Beckett feels like they're finally getting somewhere.

"Okay. There's no reason to be scared around me or your brother and sisters."

Big eyes search the room, little hands fidget, and lips thin in a way that Beckett knows makes their girl look like her. Charlie frowns for a few seconds and her eyes fill with unshed tears.

Finally a tiny voice cracks through air. "Daddy?"

"What?" Filled with joy over the first word in days, Beckett struggles to understand what her daughter is asking. "He had to go back to work but he'll be home again soon."

It's not the right answer. Tears spill over and Charlie shakes her head.

"Fwaid."

"You're afraid? Of Cas- of your dad?"

"W'ites words. My can'th sthay them."

"You're scared because he writes and you have a little trouble saying words?" The pieces slowly click into place and she's done talking too. She pulls Charlie close and says the only thing she knows to say. "I love you. Your daddy loves you. He doesn't care if you stumble over words sometimes and I promise he loves you so much, okay?"

"Kay."

"Charlie, we love your little voice. I love hearing you talk and laugh. I miss singing with you every night after story time." She tries to come up with what could have caused this but she doesn't really know. She doesn't know if someone said something to Charlotte to make her think her father wouldn't love her anymore.

After they make it out of the tub, she'll call her husband to make sure they're still on the same page with speech therapy but for now she starts to hum. And when the words come, Charlie whispers along. It's not a fix but it's progress.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Not owning any part of Castle.**

**A/N: So I went on a plane for the very first time. And now here's an update. **

* * *

There's a new level of exhaustion burrowing into her bones when Kate finally settles against her pillow. Four feet press into her spine immediately, little toes flexing. Ella and Wes sleep sideways almost every night and she's grown accustomed to sharing her bed with the small bed hogs. She's always left with a sliver of space that shouldn't fit an adult but somehow she makes it work.

The animals also have their places. The kitten takes Castle's pillow and Boomer holds down the foot of the bed. She's getting used to feet and elbows waking her. Sleep has been next to impossible but she can't bring herself to kick them out. Every night she hears them ask when Daddy will be home and every night she lets them take his side of the bed.

One more day - one more day and she's made it. They've all made it. Multiple phone and video calls, tantrums over wanting daddy and not her, kissing tear streaked faces and promising soon but now it isn't a stretch of truth. It really is soon.

She wiggles between her offspring and settles in the space that no full grown adult should be able to fit into and sighs when Charlie snuggles into her front. Her littlest is the one child who didn't want on her father's side of the bed.

On another night, Kate would stay awake, call her husband and let his voice lull her to sleep. She's already half asleep though and he hasn't answered her calls all day anyway. Yet another reason the kids are a little clingier tonight, they didn't get their nightly stories from their father.

He must have a reason or he's got himself into some kind of trouble. Her eyes try to pry open; maybe she should be more concerned. That's her last thought before the day disappears and dreams take over.

* * *

It isn't a knee to her kidney that wakes her, or an elbow to the jaw. There are no toes pushing against her eyebrow or little nose sniffling at her cheek. Instead she feels the warmth of a mouth against her own and she knows before she's fully awake that her husband is home. The kiss is lazy, soft and lasting only a moment before the silky warmth of his mouth is gone and she's forced into prying her heavy eyes open.

She feels drugged as she tries to focus on the face looming over hers. She can't see clearly in the light coming from the nightlight her youngest has to have. It's too dim, or her eyes aren't adjusting properly. She reaches up to touch his jaw, rubs her fingers there and feels the prickly whiskers.

"Hey." Her voice cracks with sleep and she can feel his lips move when she presses her fingers there.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" she asks. "Thought you weren't…"

"Came home early. Missed my family." He's speaking in fragments and she can now make out the glint of his eyes as he looks over the bed. "They suckered you."

"Bed was lonely anyway." She knows the shake of his head is playful, just like she knows he kissed each child's head before he ever swooped in to wake her. "Sorry you won't fit."

"Camp out in the living room with me?"

She remembers the fight, how they left things and how it wasn't resolved when he came home for Charlie's appointment but she's not mad anymore. She wants to talk and he's offering the chance to before their children wake.

She glances at the time as she carefully maneuvers a sleeping Charlie and groans. No wonder she's sluggish. She managed an hour of uninterrupted sleep and it shows in the way she staggers to her feet. Castle reaches for her before she falls back to the mattress and Beckett leans heavily into him.

"Tired." She grips his shirt, letting him walk them both to the couch as her eyes slip closed again. She trusts him.

"Kate," he murmurs. "You with me?"

"With you." She stumbles the last few steps and he eases her down onto the couch. This time when her eyes open she can see his face clearly. He looks as rough as she feels and it tugs at some invisible string around her heart. "I'm sorry…about everything that I said before your trip. I wanted to tell you when you came home for Charlie's appointment but I got so caught up in her."

He's been pretty beat up too. The bags under his eyes make him look years older paired with the graying at his temples. Her ruggedly handsome writer with his warm baby blues obviously felt the effects just as she had.

"Charlie needed us that day."

"She's doing a little better but we can talk about that in the morning." Tonight is about them and their own mess. It's about fixing it. "Wes thought we were…"

"Getting a divorce. No, Kate. Never."

"I know. I know that, Rick." Her palms itch, her fingers twitch and she doesn't hold back from reaching for him. It's been long enough - too long - and she wants to touch her husband. She wants the warmth of him beneath her fingertips and the solidity of his body against hers. It takes only a second of her hands against his chest for him to get the message.

After so many days without him, his palms feel heavy when they settle on her hips and the heat settles low in her belly. She's missed him. In the mornings when he presses his jaw to hers and nuzzles, in the afternoons when he calls or texts to ask where Ella's other shoe could be, in the evenings when bath times turn into family affairs and at least one child runs away naked and then in the nights when they slip into bed with a movie or book to share. She's missed him being her partner, she's missed parenting with him, and she's missed nights of hushed moans and soft sighs.

"Castle." He has to hear it in her voice, the need for him. He has to see it somewhere beneath the exhaustion in her eyes because he leans in. Or maybe she's the one leaning. She doesn't know nor does she care because his eyes mirror the want she's feeling buzzing in her blood.

"Talk later?"

"Yeah," she whispers against his mouth, lips brushing his until he's tired of being patient. He growls her name before bites her lip, before he drags her closer and pushes his hands up the back of her shirt. "Kids."

"Sleep like the dead and wake like a marching band. We'll hear them." He's right. He's right and she gives in to the trail of kisses he paints down her neck, tilting her head to give him better access.

They'll be quiet.

She can be quiet.

He leans her back, his chest against hers, his teeth scrape her skin and she hears a moan. She knows where it came from. She'll _try_ to be quiet. They should go upstairs, make use of the empty hallway. But she can't bring herself to pull away and when she lifts her hands to thread through his hair she holds him in place, she encourages the soft bite, the heat of his tongue soothing the sting.

They're not leaving the couch. As soon as his hand slips beneath the band of her yoga pants and his palm cradles her ass, she knows they aren't going anywhere.

* * *

Castle pulls the blanket around them when their skin cools, when the heat dies down and Beckett curls into his chest. They'll need to dress soon, before sleep pulls them under but she gives herself this moment to enjoy him, to press her mouth to his collarbone. She breathes him in, tastes him once more. She's missed being close.

She's missed how so much can be said without saying anything at all. Their issues resolved by their willingness to put it aside because neither want to drag this out. She doesn't want the kids to see them at odds, not after Wes thinking a simple fight would lead to a divorce.

"You okay?" His voice is soft with concern, his fingers busy beneath the blanket and brushing low over her tailbone.

"Just thinking about how I missed you."

"I missed you too…and the little monsters who took over my side of the bed." He pinches her hip, no doubt a reprimand for giving in to the big eyes and pouting mouths but it's gentle. He doesn't mean it. She rocks against his thigh in retaliation and chuckles at his groan. "Easy, Kate."

"I'd say let's go for round two but those lovely cherubs of ours will be awake in a few hours and I'll warn you now that Ella has been in a great mood." _If great means entirely unpleasant._

"She just missed me."

"We all did." And it'll be fantastic if he doesn't leave her with the kids again for a very long time. She loves them and she loves him but her favorite moments are as a family.


End file.
